am drained out. no energy. nada. absolutely nada. still aching. lost the baby. lost the man. he couldnt handle it. lost my granny. my mums sick. but ...i am a surviver. how? i will figure out. bad things happend in this world. we didnt celebrate new year after seeing those horrible pictures from the flooding. we cant imagine. how is that possible. there is more to come i fear. my best friend converted. she is a muslim now.i still love her 2 pieces. and there is scott. i dont know. love him too. he is close to me though he is so far away. he gives me strenght. he is troubled. fights with himself. he will make it. i will help him. and pj? havent heard from him. posted. mailed. nada. hope u doing ok pj. hope i didnt do anything to make u feel bad.love.

how is a man suppose to change? by blue (for scott. listen to it baby)

i am still hanging in there. new year. new chances. somewhere out there he is. i know.