i am back !!!

heya all!
missed me huh huh huh???
i am back and the concert was awesome.
if he is ever near u go see jason mraz.
my black sheep doctor was charming and sweet.
spoiled me. thank u for all...mwah
i´ll be back here soon to blog some more.

miss u aims!!!!!!!!

glad its saturday......

glad its saturday and that Sabine is coming back... did miss her heaps.
we have one more surprise for her.
we sent a birthdaycard to Thomas Godoj to sign for her.
it didnt come back in time but now its here.
she will drop dead when shes it lol.
he wrote some lines in it and i think its a wonderful surprise.
since i was not feeling well and i let others plan details... i let Sabine K let her see it.
who cares who put all together.
i just couldnt be bothered lately to do certain things.
and i know she doesnt mind.
i am going through a rough time but i know i have a safety net here.
been just so bothered with another certain person. arghh. so self centered.

and here also a big shout out to Aims!
she is having a hard time with a certain person who i think is the lowest.
i personally never experienced something like that.
Aims i am on ur side! u know that. i will get into that more later on.

glad u are back!!!

so yeah.......

so yeah......... so i put my feelings out there and i took the chance of getting hurt.
its hard to feel vulnerable.
but it u dont take a chance then nothing will happen.
i got all ur mails and messages on my last entry.
to answer a few q.....
No i didnt blog abot scott cause i still love him. a conversation came up and of course i had to think about scott. he is a part of my past. a part i dont want to miss. but a part thats over and done.
and NO i havent talked to scott. and i wont. If he comes to my blog? i honestly dont know. and i dont think so. and yeah i would still talk about the same things knowing he was here.
but....... scott is not a matter of heart for me anymore.

i thought a while of putting my feelings for brian out here. I knew it could go sour. but hey ... u only live once right? so u all know who i love and how he looks like... yeah he is damn sexy ( @sandy) but hands off lol

to ur other questions........ i dont know what the future brings ... taking one step at a time.
and yeah... it would break my heart if brian would fall in love with somebody else.
but if u take a break...... u have to trust.
and if he would fall in love with another woman... could i really hinder that?
he knows what i am about and he knows what i feel.

all u faithful readers know that i put my heart out there at times. and i appreciate all ur love coming my way. but...... never let the fear of getting hurt keeping u from playing the game... did i quote that right? lol

and yeah.......i got a response from Brian..... it was a positive one but i wanna keep it to myself.

i will make sure that i let him know all ur good wishes and thoughts.

and the ones who thought they should leave a negative comment to my entry...... "Fuck u" and u know who u are sister !!!!

a kiss for brian

the man i want to spend the rest of my life with......

so here we go. this is the man i wanna spend the rest of my life with. i would if we could. but many things are in our way. he swept me away and i began to love him. he just stepped in my life when i wasnt looking for love. isn´t that the best way to find love? don´t look for it.

now here i am with all my feelings. and i try to sort them out. i look at him and i see so much that i look for in a man. and i dont talk about look. he is very sexy in my eyes. but there is more i see in him.

just the way he made me laugh. very sexy. the way he made me feel. very loved. the way he treats and talks about his family. very manly and wonderful. a man u could imagine having kids with. waking up beside him. his honesty surprised me. his voice gives me a certain feeling. so warm. so full of love.

and then..... and then things happend in our lives. things we couldnt control. something happend to me and i am still so sorry he had to deal with that.i can still feel his pain when we talk about it on a rare occasion. and i dont know if we can overcome that. no let me correct that. i DO know we will overcome that. if i am ready to move on and dont let it ruin my life i think he can do that too. but i understand when he says he felt so helpless and wanted to beat him up. i am glad he wasnt there. i couldnt have faced him. couldnt stand being touched.

but now...... i feel he is the only one who can heal me...

This is something I can’t hide. Can’t throw it away. This is something I can’t fake.

They know you’re away. They know how to break me.They know you’re far away ....

then....... something happend in his life too. his niece got very sick. and loves her so much. she will be ok but i know its hard to see a child suffer. it almost broke his heart and he was there for her day and night. spending nights beside her bed in the hospital. how can u not love him? its a side of him i love. u feel protected. loved. a family man.

thats where the silence began. and i couldnt understand why. he gets silent when he is stressed. he explained that to me. but it was hard. i know he has a stressful job. but how can u not just say "HI" ? he said he is not happy with how he handles the situation and that he is sorry.

he asked me to be there and not give up. he wants to handle it in his speed to come back to himself. i agreed. he said not to take it personally when he behaves like a jerk. doesn´t he know everything he does and and says affects me? cam was a flirt but he used it to be mad at me? not to talk to me........ i guess that was the jerk?

after all i made a decision to hang in there. i know this is mad. there is a guy who is willing to marry me tomorrow ( yeah i know Aims!!! lol hey i see u rolling those eyes :P) and i hang my heart on a guy that has crisis and needs time to get back to himself.

Love’s a lonely road sometimes. I keep moving on...Towards the moment you’ll be mine. A long way to go...To where we belong...We’ll be there before long

but hey......he is worth the wait. i want u to know i dont write this piece about him to push him into anything. just had to air it. yes i am in love and i want u all to know. and if we are meant to be then it will happen. if not then there will be a lucky girl at his side. i am at a point in my life when i can say that.

Could you believe I’m waiting for someone. Could you believe I’m holding the night with my hands. Alone in the night on my own. I feel the pain inside me...Only you can heal me!!

as i wrote this piece i was listen to a song from Sunrise Avenue... " Heal me "... i wanna dedicate this song to a wonderful man whom i wish just the best in life. i am tired and i feel i start to sound confusing lol. i just wrote everything that came out. sorry if it sounds confusing. just wanted to tell u about a great guy.

everything will be fine.... i just know

P.S... here a huge thank you to Mr. HP India... u know who u are ;) ty for being there and listening. its always so much fun talking to u ! and yeah u are right... gold digger is not a thing for me :P hugs

Scott....and long distance.....

yesterday a guy asked me online if i believe in long distance relationships. hmmm. well.
do i believe in them. i lived in one for many years.
so i told him "NO" :P
and he asked if i wanna give it a chance with him. not to say no to something i dont know.
errr yeah. and what was ur name again?
whats wrong with guys nowadays. u say hello and they instantly ask if u wanna marry them?
i told him politely that i am in love with someone and that 3 are too much in a relationship.
well he asked if we can be friends.... still dont know his name.... but he saw me on fb... oh hell fb again.

but all that made me think of Scott. and that in a nice way. i really do hope he is happy.
if kylie is willing to give him a family, then he found what he was looking for.
Scott is a family man and i think he is doing a good job at that.
so i wish them lots of happy moments and happiness.
i do look back and i feel i was so loved by him.
and it was a great feeling.
we did our best and i smile when i remember those years.
isn´t it funny how u forget the bad times and just remember the good ones?

i wouldnt do long distance again. not that long of a distance.
but i got a lot of nice friends out of it. especially Aims.

everything turned out to be alright for us

Happy Birthday Aims !

Happy Birthday to my girl AIMS !!!

sending lots of love and good wishes ur way!

so she wanted a brown hair, blue eyed surprise. well... i googled that and found........George. lol.....well he is captured and in prison right now as u can see but he will be out in some time and if u want i will pass contacts on? lol yeah? he he

so julia and me googled some more and found......

Josh.......well........maybe he is a candidate? lol
he looks good when wet and has a nice smile....
he could rescue u when u are in need... dont know if he has a bathing short on but well.... let us use our imagination....
drool.... what? bday? who? oh yeah.....errr

so now to the last thing......... since we are not there we cant sing for ya girl!
so we will let Luke do that for us.........

Go Aims it´s ur birthay.....go Aims it´s ur birthday......go partyyyyyy!!!!