Thank god its friday ...!!!

TGIF! Ya another week is over. Ma babys first week of vacation almost over. This weekend he will move to a bigger house. Today he went to a concert. He had a good time with his mates.

I did shock him a bit i guess when i told him what happend or almost happend between me and Byron. I had a real bad day ystd. It´s been 2 years since i lost my baby and just a few ppl know about it. I had a downer and scott tried to help me but it wudnt work. I was a bit unfair but i felt ignored and neglected knowing he is there having his beer when i was crying. Ah yeah and then there was Byron. He knew what i needed, took me in his arms and comforted me. OH oh i thought after a while, what was that? yup i can guess, a hardon. And the bad thing, i got a lil bit hot too. Shit.

Now here i am, i could just do it and scott would never know, would he? While Byrons hands got closer to my breasts i thought and thought really hard. But then it was quite easy for me. Scott, yeah Scott ! I love him and i wont do this to him, i wont do this to us or me. NO! it wasnt a hard decision to make. it was quite easy to step back and say NO.

guess what, yeah i know some of u will think we are nuts. But we do tell each other everything, even when we mess up. So yup, i called him and told him about what happend. Hey i felt much better and he reacted good. Honesty is very important. And i think we manage our relationship very well.

He told me he wouldnt know what to do if i have an affair. He will go wild. I told him, huh, u will never know. lol. I know, i am bad sometimes pushing his buttons.

He has been so affectionate this week. His lovely sms. I wake up and the first thing i get from him is:

The love of my live.
My beautiful Princess.
How did u sleep?
i missed u so much today!!

Hello , girls, what more is to say!!!

A special hello to Bruce, i got an sms from him the other day. thanks Bruce!
Am so glad its going up for you. I cant even begin to imagine what pain u are going through.
Greetings also to Louise! x x x

Everything will be fine !



Hey ma baby has vacation. 2 free weeks. He will move and have the kids. I am glad for him. He needed that. But the first day was quite strange. He was in such a romantic mood. He stayed up with me, that means he went to bed 7:30 am his time. He wanted to go to sleep with me. He felt so lonely. well. gotta go. will continue soon. Julia needs to sleep.

Everything will be fine


Its a rainy saturday. Buhhhh. Where is the sun??? But hey, i am in a better mood again. YAAAYYY. thanks to my friend sabine who listens to my crap and my baby of course who is the best. even if i am pissed at him sometimes. ya i admit it. but we are so far apart and that is hard on us sometimes. We´ve been goin good for over a year now. we are very proud of ourselves.

The person i thank is my gf Darlene palmer. Who has taught me a few things about long distance relationship. she is happily married now. the advice, although it has been some time since we talked, has gotten me through some pretty rough times.

when i woke up today there were a few messages on my phone from scott. Makes waking up easier to read his lovely words. "Baby i am missing you!" Made me forget what i dreamt of. But it wasnt bad i guess.

Sabine messaged me and showed me an email Scott sent her, with scotts knowledge of course. Damn that man is so sweet. I feel so lucky. No way ladies HE IS MINE !!!!!

We talked about the party he went to. About james making a joke of him gettin lucky. James would never let him near a girl. Oh man. i shud stop talking.

Everything will be fine!

I bruise easily ...

I found the song matching my mood...from Natasha Beddingfield

My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been
And I cant hide the marks
Its not a negative thing

So I let down my guard
Drop my defences down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
Theres a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can't scratch the surface
Without moving me
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints
On a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them
All over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith
I'll never know

Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you or heal you
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave you
So be gentle...


I don´t know. I am in a strange mood all of a sudden. Or not that fast, i know where it´s coming from.

Got some messages from Scott. He is out with his mate James in a club. We did a lil experiment that went so wrong. I wish we never did it. But we can´t erase it now. We managed to fix it. And we will survive it. We survived so much, nothing can break us apart. He´s gone to bed, wasted. I just wanna go to sleep too. But i still have a few things ahead of me.

Sun was out today, it was nice for a change. T-shirt time. Hope that spring is here now. Waiting for the flowers to bloom. Am sick of wearing so much clothes.

Man, my tummy pain won´t go away :(

I got an email from Teena saying she started a blog too. Good for her. I´ll be going there to see whats up with her.

Pj still missing. Where are you???? Worries me when i don´t hear from you man. U know that!!!

Bruce is out of the hospital. He will be ok.

what else. what else. i wanna sleep. I miss being in scott arms.

everything will be fine

time: 5:49pm
drinking: just had coffee
wearing: jeans and a blue shirt
last talked on the phone to: Scott
today at lunch i ate: pizza and salad
cried last: 2 days ago
am proud of: my lovely daughter
last talked to: sabine
today i have to: go to a school meeting to organize the gameparty
my mood: ok since sun came out, but missing scott terribly
i am looking forward to: julias concert on sunday
hugged last: Byron
i am listening to: Michael Buble

Missed me?

Hey everyone,
yup am still here. was a lil busy i am sorry u had to wait for a new post. yeah i got the email asking where i am hiding. i am not hiding. and no, am not hiding underneath scott either. Very funny, ha ha mike. although when i think about it, i could go hiding underneath scott for quite a bit. u see, its very comfty and pleasing for me laying under scotty!
we try hard to find time for each other. and it sucks sometimes but my man is happy.
we had lots of fun today. I bought a sexy bra and panty today and told him about it and he said: " Ange stop it i am driving!!" so i thought hmmmm. what to do to turn him off. and hey i had an idea. a real turnoff for him, i said: karen, karen, karen. Well what can i say. he was ok right that instant. he was gettin pissed at me cause he doesnt wanna hear me saying that name. ah it´s all good. i think it´s funny. at least i know how to cool him down in a second. i am gooooood. and, everything on me is real. He is so happy bout that ;)

yesterday i was working at a concert. the hippest teenie band in germany, austria and so on. 4 guys who named themself Tokio Hotel.

Damn i am scared girls start screaming. but i think i am safe here. there were 3000 girls and they all screamed and cried. about 400 had to be pulled out. Amazing. the front singer looks like a girl. I told Julia, i say hello to the front girl who sings. She said: MOM!! thats not a girl, its a boy!!! oops sowwy. But we had our fun. We screamed just to make fun of them. There were some nice looking security guys. Made friend with a guy from the tour management. He had some interesting things to tell about the guys. Well i survived it and thanks to ear plugs my hearing ability is still intact. sighhhh.

whatelse. hmmm. am missing pj. where the hell are you???? i hope u are ok. i miss u man.

Happy birthday !!!


Happy fucking bday baby! That all your dreams this year come true. U still look sexy and yummy. There are 32 candles on the cake and no fire alarm yet! lol
I hope your present didn´t break and u have fun with it.
I love u very much. We´ll get wasted for your bday tomorrow. Well we try.


Happy bday also from Sabine, Deniz and Julia !!!!

We just sang, did u hear it? NO? ok, once again...

Happy bday to you... happy bday to you... happy bday dear scotty...happy bday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!


Another monday morning. It´s been snowing all weekend. I am stuck in snow and Scott was away on a boat trip. Yeah life is so unfair ! :( He got waisted and had fun and i was shuffling snow. oh well. He desevered it. He´s been working so much. And the good thing. He was missing me terribly. Ah such nice words i heard out of his mouth when we talked sunday night. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me! LOL. HI HI HI. I missed him too. But i wanted him to have fun and enjoy his time there.

Bruce is still in the hospital. Not doing very well. But he´ll be fine. Louise is due any day now. Hope she is getting through this good. Must be hard for her too. Scott is very worried but he doesn´t try to show. It´ll be all fine.

It´s monday here. Just called Scott. It´s his bday tomorrow, the 7th of march.

Talked to Byron. It´s funny how he tells me everything what´s going on in his life. I mean i never thought i´ll be talking to byron about the girls in his life. It´s very relaxing between us. He says he tries to not see me as a sex object. Geee thanks. oh well
everything will be fine

Thinking of bruce...

Tomorrow, well already today in Australia, Bruce has his operation. He is really nervous as he told me right now and we feel with him. Scott is very worried about Bruce. He spent the evening with him ystd. Hope Louise is doing fine, must be hard for her too.

Bruce we pray for you.
Lots of love and prayers coming from this side of the world !!

My man...

What are you thinking about? Looking so bored.


It´s wednesday, i am tired. Need to recharge. Fasching is over. Tried to explain to Scott what that is all about. I don´t know if i could make him understand. Today is Ash wednesday, went to church with Byron. He cooked fish afterwards. I just went to my room and listened to music.
It has been snowing again. I am sick and tired of snow now. I want SPRING!!!
Julia was supposed to go skiing with my dad but they had to cancel cause it wouldn´t stop snowing.

Scott has a free day. He got so wasted yesterday. Wonder how many braincells he killed. He slept at Daniels place. Tonight he is with Bruce. He be driving Bruce to the doc tomorrow. Poor guy, he has an operation coming up friday. They are gonna take some bone out of his hip to reconstruct his jaw. Peel his face off to break his jaw twice and reconstruct. Ouch that must hurt like hell. I am thinking about you Bruce. I´ll message him b4 he has his operation.

I am having a low right now. Scott tries everything to cheer me up. He is the sweetest. I´ll get through it, i know that. But he has always seen me as the strong one, guess its hard for him to see me weak. Let´s see if he can get me through this. Sometimes i just don´t let him close to me. It´s not that i don´t love him, i really do, but sometimes he cant help me. He tells me he feels helpless being so far away from me. But what doesn´t kill us makes us stronger. We´ve been through so much. I won´t give up now.

There was one moment i felt i had to let him go to make life easier for him. Me being so far away is killing him too.
He wrote back: If i lose you. I´ll never be the same again. I´ll be broken forever!
Right then i knew i made a mistake. Sabine told me too, why do u wanna hurt yourself? U love him?
Ya why? I don´t know. Sometimes I talk without thinking. Or did i want to hear how much he needs me? I don´t know. I apologised to him and he told me to never say shit like that again.
I do know how deep his feelings are for me. He changed his life. I have ppl, his friends, his brother telling me that he is a changed man, that they never saw him like that. And its been over a year now. He proved that he is serious. He did not fall back. I am proud of him. And honoured to be the reason for all this. I told him once, i hope i can love u half as much as u love me. He trusts me entirely. I am the love of his life.
Wow. That is so wonderful. Being loved so much. He is so sure about us. I have to step back sometimes and look at everything. And i know then, he is right. He is absolutely right. From the moment we met 5 years ago, there was something. And that lil spark he carried in himself, all the time, and he lit the fire. It took him some time but he did it. He surprised me with his feelings. I never thought i would be at this point. But i couldn´t find a more wonderful man.

Ah i have to stop talking. I just hope i don´t dissapoint him. He knows life beside me is not boring. He is in for the ride. I am tired. Before i talk more confusing things i go.

Bye ya all
Everything will be just fine