time: almost 5 pm
Wearing: pants and sweater
Listening to: myself cry
feeling: my tears runnin down my face
Want to: hurt scott the way he hurts me
eating: nothing
drinking: thinking of opening a bottle of wine
person i talked last on phone to: jaiveer...he always makes me smile
thing i need to do next: get myself a man and hurt scott, that wouldnt work i know.....
why: do i let him do this to me? where is pj when i need him?

PJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh well.....here we go again...wasnt this a nice day..till i came on.....i must be sooooooooooooooooo oh i dont know what.....well.....he hit me again...with a even bigger hammer...will i get it now?????? oh well...arent we stupid enough to believe guys.....i cant blame him....he choose her...i am happy for you scott.....and dont worry...we be friends forever.....

what else.....my mom is doing ok..loosing her hair.....i am dissapointed at jafar.....u deserted me jafar....i never thought u behaved like that....saturday i went out with andy....he took me to the movies.....we had a good time....mothers day was nice....we went to eat .....afternoon i spent on sofa cause i ate too much..sighhhhhh.......i am like a robot right now...i am functioning......i wont allow somebody close to me right now.....i dont want my feelings hurt again....scott teached me a lesson and i forgot it....but i will try my best to remember it now. i need a break

luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: the point is...u dont want more
madness181_69: once bitten twice shy
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: and i forgot that
madness181_69: this is not good
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i am sorry........i am happy for you...u made your choice ...i hope she makes u happy
madness181_69: you come on line after so long to say hello...and look what happens
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i am sorry
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: my fault i guess
madness181_69: its not your fault
madness181_69: I am negligent in your feelings
madness181_69: I should be more considerate
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: why should u care bout my feelings?
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: its ok
madness181_69: why shouldnt I?
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u dont love me...u dont need to care bout my feelings
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u love karen
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i should be more considerate....and step back and dont forget i am not the one who u love
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i forgot for a minute....i am sorry
madness181_69: dont be sorry
madness181_69: its not your fault
madness181_69: I am the arsehole here remember
madness181_69: the one who tore your heart out.
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u act on your feelings
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: so
madness181_69: Angie..I never want to lose what we now have
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: yeah yeah.....i understand....dont worry
madness181_69: It is unfortunate that I never considered you before I did anything else..
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i will act as a friend and not as a woman who loves you
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: sooooo
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: how was your weekend?
madness181_69: I am feeling like a riteous prick right now
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: just face it
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i am not the woman u want to be with
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u acted on that
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: its ok
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: karen has it
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i dont
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i will try not to forget
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: and act like your friend
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i promised we always be friends
madness181_69: what am I to say without saying the wrong thing
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: be yourself
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: are u happy when u are with karen?
madness181_69: being my self is what got me into this mess
madness181_69: yes...she makes me happy....

luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: hey...how are your kids?
madness181_69: good
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: good to know
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: how is ya gf?
madness181_69: we broke up..
madness181_69: she had issues..
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: oh no
madness181_69: but I um...
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: sorry to hear
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: but u um?
madness181_69: went back to..
madness181_69: umm
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: dont say karen
madness181_69: |
madness181_69: :-S
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u went back to kitty?
madness181_69: yes
madness181_69: makes ya mad
madness181_69: doesnt it
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: not mad
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: makes me feel like shit
madness181_69: I thought it would
madness181_69: what happened to your bloke?
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i broke up with him
madness181_69: ok
madness181_69: you never said
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: was it important?
madness181_69: no
madness181_69: i mean here on line
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: omg
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i lost cause i wasnt online?
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u know why i wasnt online
madness181_69: you dont get it..
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: and u knew how to contact me
madness181_69: you were busy
madness181_69: I know..
madness181_69: i contemplated that for so long
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: oh u mean she shows and i dont show myself naked and all
madness181_69: hey...
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: well i am sorry....i am just not like that
madness181_69: no thats not it
madness181_69: and its not fair
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u asked me to be fair?
madness181_69: no i didnt
madness181_69: Angie..
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i dont know what i have done to you so u treat me like that.....hurting me like this
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: but i have to accept
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: dont worry
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i accept
madness181_69: I missed you heaps
madness181_69: really i did
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u missed me so much u went back to karen
madness181_69: I just considered you had finished with me
madness181_69: thought you were happy with what was happening in your life..
madness181_69: after I hurt you so much
madness181_69: I never knew that I would ever be considered again
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u knew
madness181_69: i did not
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: but u didnt want too
madness181_69: I knew we would always be friends..
madness181_69: i didnt think you would want anything more again
madness181_69: i mean here on line
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: omg
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i lost cause i wasnt online?
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u know why i wasnt online
madness181_69: you dont get it..
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: and u knew how to contact me
madness181_69: you were busy
madness181_69: I know..
madness181_69: i contemplated that for so long
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: oh u mean she shows and i dont show myself naked and all
madness181_69: hey...
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: well i am sorry....i am just not like that
madness181_69: no thats not it
madness181_69: and its not fair
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u asked me to be fair?
madness181_69: no i didnt
madness181_69: Angie..
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i dont know what i have done to you so u treat me like that.....hurting me like this
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: but i have to accept
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: dont worry
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i accept
madness181_69: I missed you heaps
madness181_69: really i did
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u missed me so much u went back to karen
madness181_69: I just considered you had finished with me
madness181_69: thought you were happy with what was happening in your life..
madness181_69: after I hurt you so much
madness181_69: I never knew that I would ever be considered again
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u knew
madness181_69: i did not
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: but u didnt want too
madness181_69: I knew we would always be friends..
madness181_69: i didnt think you would want anything more again

hello everybody..am still alive...thanks for all the calls and cards and sms and everything else...been a hard time..still is..my mom is brave but i aint :(....miss you all my friends...thanks for your call scott...really missed hearing your voice mate.... to PJ ..i got your sms...will try to contact you tomorrow....to larry...i am ok...will try to contact u too....i couldnt log into my blog...tried through blogger...pj i hope u are ok now.. i saw u didnt update your blog yet...u got me worried...hugs and kisses to you pj....i will try to update soon ....am just to tired to do anything....am so drained and oh well...dont wanna whine.....love u all.....hugs and kisses from HONEY