Hey Guys.
Yeah its me....Scotty. doin the best I can out of bad situations. Stressin out over nothing. Having arguements that sometimes need to be had, others that should never have happened in the first place. But, of course, they happen. Today, Angie wished we had a nice day. No arguements. Sounded great. Who needs them anyway, right? I certainly dont. Thats one of the reasons I try to avoid them. But, I also try to avoid them if I know that I have done something and I know I am at fault. Angie does it to. Only difference, Angie will try her best to avoid giving me the Answer I am looking for, or... change the subject. SomethingI have found she is very good at.
Which brings me to tell you about an arguement that I, I have to admit, started. Thats right. I started an arguement in the event that we both would tell each other what it is exactly that is on our minds and hopefully fix the problem. So , Knowing that Ange is a self confessed instigator of the common arguement, took full advantage of the fact that I was one way or another, going to get an answer out of her. But.... You guessed it, she pulled a Scotty and avoided it. Not before givin me an answer you would expect from a person who doesnt want to give you the answer you were looking for. " Because I dont " was the response I got to my question of " Why??"
So by now you are probably wondering what is the question? It doesnt matter what the question was. That isn't important. It could be anything. But this is about me being persistant, and Angie starting to get annoyed at my persistance.
Remember not too long ago, Ange blogged about an experiment we did, where she graciously accepted to fulfill a fantasy of mine, only to have it completely backfire on us and almost destroy what we have between us? Well I promised Angie that I never ever, would put her into any situation like that again where her safety is at risk. That little experiment only heightened our love for each other and earned us more respect between us. But it also changed the way we saw each other, and what we meant to one another.
So with the thought that my baby would do anything for me, and taking into consideration I would never risk her safety again, asked her for something else that I thought would not be such a big deal. So I asked her to do something for me? Well, the response I got was not what I expected.
Okay then, no big deal. She doesnt want to do it. Don't make a big deal out of it. I love her, right? I can respect that. Or can I? Don't think so... You see, Like a majority of humans, it is in our nature to ask, why? The answer I got was, I'm sorry babe. I just dont do that. I accepted that for a while, wondering why she had such a problem with it since she willingly participated in the first experiment. What was the biggie with such a small request?
So a few weeks later, when things were actually a whole lot better between us, I took another opporunity to ask her again. I got the same rehersed response I got last time I asked, only this time, she said she will think about it. Now you are probably wondering, Why doesn't he just accept her wishes, respect her, and let it go and stop asking. Good point! Why didn't I? Well, Like I said, Angie didnt exactly give me a reason. I got what I consider, an excuse. I wanted to ask her why? I wanted to beg her to change her mind. Even use the pathetic line, If you love me you would do it, but it didnt do anything to make her look at it in a different way. Angie even admitted to me that she felt bad for not doing it, and that I must be very disappointed in her.
I did feel a lil cheesed off that I wasnt gonna have her change her mind any time soon. But I was more determined to find out why? So I started asking her questions about her and her past. I wanted to know why she was keen to make me happy one minute, then adamant I was not gonna get what I wanted this time.
After all that, I then used that information against her. I know. I am an arsehole. Why can't I just forget it, let it go and just get over it. Well because I wasn't happy with the answer I got. I cannot accept the answer, Because! I thought about all the things she told me. I thought about that experiment. I thought about how keen she was to make her man happy. And I was starting to get pissed off because it seemed to me that she would only make her man happy if what I wanted suited her.
From that point on, there was no stopping me. I admit, I gave it to her and I didnt let up. I upset her. I made her cry. And for a moment, I felt terrible. I didnt give a shit about her or her feelings, and was so intent on getting what I wanted, that I was gonna do anything to get it. Well Ange just stopped responding. I was not gonna get my answer today. I then turned into a 2 year old who had his lolly pop taken from him.
I didnt know what to think. Why wouldn't she tell me? Apparently she did tell me, only I didnt want to accept her answer. I didn't consider it an answer. I wanted closure on this because I couldn't understand that, "because I dont want to, and I just dont do that" is the reason. Full stop.
I felt cheated out. I wanted something from her and Ange was not about to give in. So why then did she agree to fulfil my fantasy earlier? I considered that worse than what I was actualy asking now. I bombarded her phone with messages, and no doubt when she wakes up and reads al the messages I left her, She is going to be very upset. I apologised for sending them. I told her that I had to send them because it was what was on my mind. I felt like she didn't really love me enough, otherwise she would have done it. I mean why the heck not right? it just didnt seem fair.
So when your lover tells you that they love you so much that they would do anything for you, is there a threshold as to how far you will go to please the one you love? or do you reserve the right to decide if you want to do it or not? They way I see it, Providing your partner is not asking you to do something that he or she would not do themselves, dont just make your partner happy because it is what you want. You do things to make your partner happy by doing for them what is pleasing to them. After all, you want to make them happy.
Well I guess I have just signed my own death warrant. I cant exactly say that Ange is going to be thrilled to read this. But I had to put this down. I hurt her feelings and really upset her, but I also had my feelings hurt. Not making excuses for what I did, but sometimes ya gotta step on a few toes to get what you want.
Sorry folks. Talk again soon. Hooroo.
Scotty
