oral sex...

so... my daughter asked me the other day: mummy, what is oral sex?
(OH MY GOOOODD!!!!!!!!!!) ok ok... stay calm ange... no problem...
you can handle it.... take a deep breath... you are turning blue... Breathe!!!!

ok ok... i caught myself and thought hard about it... i am a cool mom... i want my daughter
to ask me anything... how many times have i told her that... so here i go...
so... i talked about oral sex... short and in few words... thank god she said... UHHHHH NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!PFUUUUIIIIII!!... YES YES!! thats what i wanted to hear...
phew... i think there are many more things coming my way... i decided to answer her
questions whenever they come my way... when kids ask... you should answer... then
they are ready to hear it... so ... me... cool mommy... ;-)

so she did it...

so she did it... yes i am proud of her... after all this time my best girlfriend told her hubby that she wanted a divorce...
and this once she stood strong and didn´t let him talk her out of it...
i know how hard that is... you forgive and forgive... thinking he will change...
he regrets... he tries...
but there are too many cuts in your heart...

she did it... she got the strength through a relationship she just started...
i don´t approve of that... i told her... it´s not about the man... i don´t know him yet...
he gives her things... words... emotions...
the love she craved for so many years...
i just want her to keep her eyes open...
stay alert!
don´t mistake this feelings...

are you in love or just in love with being in love?
i have been asked that... i could honestly say...
i am in love him him... for 2 years... don´t get me wrong...
i am still in love... is he waiting for it to go away?

... he messaged me... i didn´t message back...
i won´t... he made a choice and he has to live with it...
i am not picking up the pieces anymore...
i am feeling fine... better than i thought...

so bear with me... i am sorry if i seem sad to you...
i am really not... but this is my diary...
sorry if i bore you with the same over and over again...
it´ll go away... lol

go to my girls ice blog... there you can read some good stuff...

www.icedome.blogspot.com

Symphonie...

i saw pj mention that he heard this song on my blog... yeah pj... its a beautiful song...i am ok... so no worries ok??? mwahhh

tell me, what happend to us?
u suddenly seem like a stranger to me
why am i not feeling good anymore laying in your arms?
is it unimportant what is happening to us?

where are you going? i can hardly see you anymore
vanity is in our way?
didn´t we wanna risk all?
did we betray ourselves
i thought we could conquer everything !

symphonie...
now there is silence all around us...
we stand in the pouring rain...
nothing to give each other...
it´s better when u leave....

everything will be fine

Angie

Jump to conclusions...

"You jump to too many conclusions"...yeah... uhuh... what else is there?
after two years of just words... i can´t look into you... i can´t see your actions...
if you laugh... cry... if you are angry... sad... upset... bothered... hiding something...
what you are feeling right now... what are you feeling?
i have to guess... cause you wouldn´t tell me...

yeah i know you won´t tell me what i want to hear... how do you know what i want to hear huh?
do you even care?...

do you want me to think that you are having the time of your life?
you don´t feel sad?
you don´t miss me?
you go on with everyday life not thinking about me anymore?
do you look at my pic?
how am i supposed to know?
if you don´t tell me... i have to build my own opinion
if you don´t tell me... i will jump to conclusions when a woman answers the phone
is that so bad?

u can´t take me in your arms to show me how much you miss me... you have to tell me
u can´t kiss me and touch me to show me how much you want me... you have to tell me
u can´t walk out and be angry... you have to tell me
i can´t see you sit there in tears... you have to tell me

i don´t know anything right now...
people keep asking me...
is there another woman in his life?
did he sleep with someone else already?
they don´t know how much it hurts...
i smile and i say... i don´t know... i don´t care...

but it hurts... i do care...
we talk and i say...
yeah scott... i am fine, thank you !

you message me late at night,
thinking i would be sleeping
so you wont have to talk to me... yeah a conclusion of mine...

i saw the message.. read it...late at night
but i chose to didn´t answer you...

i don´t know what to do...
you behave like everything is ok with you...
so do I...

so do I...

the ultimate break-up song...


This is the end, you know.... YAAAAA.... turn this song on max volume and sing to it... thats what i do right now... We can´t cry the pain away... yeah yeah... feel the song... i feel it... ok i admit the first time i heard it i cried... now i just sing along and dance to it... i found a new fave song !!! "Fairytale gone bad"-Sunrise Avenue

This is the end, you know
Lady, the plans we had went all wrong
We ain't nothing but fight and shout and tears

We got to a point I can't stand
I've had it to the limit;
I can't be your man I ain't more than a minute away from walking

We can't cry the pain away
We can't find a need to stay
I slowly realized there's nothing on our side

Out of my life, Out of my mind
Out of the tears that we can't deny
We need to swallow all our pride
And leave this mess behind

Out of my head, Out of my bed
Out of the dreams we had, they're bad
Tell them it's me who made you sad
Tell them the fairytale gone bad

Another night and I bleed
They all make mistakes and so did we
But we did something we can never turn back right

Find a new one, to fool
Leave and don't look back, I won't follow
We have nothing left,
It's the end of our time

We can't cry the pain away
We can't find a need to stay
There's no more rabbits in my hat to make things right

Out of my life, Out of my mind
Out of the tears we can't deny
We need to swallow all our pride
And leave this mess behind
Out of my head, Out of my bed
Out of the dreams we had, they're bad

Tell them it's me who made you sad
Tell them the fairytale gone bad !!
Everything will be fine
Angie

Yes sir...

yes sir... yes sir... of course sir... never would touch anything sir Pj... ah sir Kali... excuse me sir... i will be at my best behavour sir (yeah right!) ... thank you !!!

he told me to do it myself... i did it and he didn´t like it... oh well...

this blog is the work of my dear friend PJ ! my webmaster... ma master... oh i think he would like that huh... yeah pj i know... bla bla... I love you and thank you!!... and i mean that!!

As i mature...

i was visiting my girl feline´s blog and read this... uh yeah...

As I mature..

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you...
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that no matter how much I care...
some people are just assholes!

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on Charm for about fifteen minutes...
After that, you better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others...
They are more screwed up then you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting,
long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for everything we do -
unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades,
and there had better be a lot of money to take it's place !

I've learned that 99% of the time,
when something isn't working in your house,
one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about in life
are taken away from you, too soon...

And all the less important ones, just never go away..

Blog MakeOver

Angie:

Please be patient coz I'm not currently that available but we're workin on this bit by bit becoz I can't be around much until bit later so bear with it aye.. We're workin on a 3 column template which will make the blog loaded with more functionalities especially on the sidebars. You should stick with the white background wif some visuals so the blog is more readable and user friendly for most people. Blogs look better when they're lean & clean, nothing fancy but unique while loaded with functions & user friendly. Don't enable too many posts on the front page. 4 or 5 posts is just nice. You don't want the blog to drag down endlessly dat ain't kewl.

You can go on experimenting wif stuffs like the video search page etc which I just lost so you can reconstruct that aight. I've got Melanie C's up thurr already. The song goes on auto load. Reminder, it's not good to have too many songs/vdo on autoload. Allow option for users to enable them.. The Nickleback video is rescaled to fit nicely into the sidebars and we don't want huge video frames like most people have from youtube's. The video is not autoloaded on purpose. The template's background pic can be reworked as and when.

My download links are shared so you or anybody can easily request either here or at my blog for songs/multimedia/program files that you want to have easy access to. I'll try to compile and upload asap, so you can download em as and when from time to time.

I don't have that much time now. I'll be leaving for Penang maybe in a few days time. I'll have about 2 weeks of online time when I'm there so til then, we work it bit by bit - pj

yeah...

yeah i like this a bit better...

hey this song... message for my girl from the split endz is one of scotts fave and i like it too... so i will let you hear my fave songs ... i like that ... uhuuuu....

so i was a bit drunk yesterday and i missed scott... i couldn´t help it but send him a message saying i missed him... i regretted it right then and sent another one... oh man... haven´t heard from him since... DON´T SEND MESSAGES WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK ANGIE !!! SHEEZZEEE.... would anybody remind me? please?

had a nice time though... lots of fun and ... yeah red wine... the weather is really nice here and we had a come together on my balcony...

WAAAHHHHHH..........

WWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH PJJJJJJJJJJJJJ ............ i want my blog back !!!!!!!!!!
I dont like thissssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i lied to Scott...

So... i lied to Scott... the other day when we were talking on the phone... it was easter... the day before i went ( just for fun !) to a fortune teller... a medium... whatever she called herself... it was quite funny... it was my first time... i don´t like it... i told her that i don´t wanna hear anything negative... hell no !!! ... so i asked her about Scott and me... hmmm.... she took my hand... closed her eyes... and i just sat there... dum di dum... then she said...

He still loves you ! he still wants you ! .... yeah lady go on! i like what i hear... he he... but then... :( wahhhhh.... we missed the time and place and spot and date and whatever to be together... that was half a year ago... WHAT??? ok... there is nothing new... but she asked me some interesting questions i had to think a lot about... but i wanna talk about them with Scott first... Sorry... i don´t want him to read about it here... so you all have to wait i guess... bahhh... BUT !!! she asked me if i wanna know if there will be another man in my life.... HELLOOOO!... of course... close your eyes and ears scott... just kidding...

there we go again... she closed her eyes... and ... silence... dum di dum... hmmm... i gotta go to the bathroom... dum di dum...

yup... she opend her eyes and laughed... there will be a guy from up north... ( oh hell a norwegian? swedish? what? WHAT?) ... NO! she said... a british man... a guy that sweeps me away... with lots of energy and wit... oh great... couldn´t it be a man from down under? cause that would work out fine... i got already one? ... So... i told this funny story to my friends... BAD IDEA !!! now everybody is looking out for a english man for me... sighh.... just Ishak had an idea... Australia is a british colony and so Scott is british... yeah yeah lol... but it is a funny and nice thought... would solve my problems though... so i told scott... yup... hey stop laughing... we always tell each other every thing... he was quiet... hmmm maybe cause he was still sleepy?... he called me... we had a nice chat...

i didn´t plan to lie... i swear i didn´t... but... i got this email... about him and another woman... yes yes... usually i would just laugh at it... but this girl answering the phone ( yeah scott i know you were drunk and she took it away from you ) ... and me wanting to find something to be mad at him... sigh... well i guess you can imagine the rest... Angie was too proud... didn´t say she was hurt... yup... i said... it´s ok... you are a free man... i don´t care if you are having something with a girl... damn i started to cry already when i said that... where did that come from? ... Are you insane Ange?... oh yeah... he is gonna say... NO way !... but... just my luck... he said ok... OK! he said OK! damned... so i lied to him...gosh damned...

Our song...

so how come right now i hear Hoobastank on the radio all the time?... can somebody tell me?... hey common give me a break... it´s hard enough already... is there a conspiracy going on?... hmmm... it gives me the chills all the time i hear it... i can see Scott in front of me... damned... there is Hoobastank everywhere... " i am sorry that i hurt you... there are many things i wish i didn´t do... " yup... i can handle it... it´s ok... i miss him...

To the mailer who wanted to know... YES i will continue Scottys and my story... no worries you all gonna know what happend... give me a bit time will ya?

And !!!! NO I DONT NEED A DATE! but hey... thank you for asking ;-) keep on mailing me !


I ran across another song... Nickelbeck... Far away... strong stuff...

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait ?
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know...!

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore...


Hell i don´t have a problem with talking about my feelings... i still have lots for him... i have been asked here why i don´t bash him... why? there is nothing he did... and what he did wrong is between him and me... he doesn´t come here too often... so i am safe i guess?... i can talk about whats going inside of me... i miss him and i love him... there... happy? but i am too proud to tell him... if it´´s good or wrong... i don´t know... he doesn´t wanna let me know how he deals with it... hell i have a hard time... it´s even harder if you tell each other that you are still in love... sometimes i wish i could be mad a t him... would be so much easier... but i am not...

Happy Easter...


Easter is the time of springtime festivals, a time to welcome back the Tulips, the Crocuses and the Daffodils. Its a time of new suits, new dresses and new shoes. A time for Christians to celebrate the life and resurrection of Christ. And a time of chocolate bunnies, marshmallow chicks, and colored eggs!


Easter is a time of springtime festivals. In Christian countries Easter is celebrated as the religious holiday commemorating the resurrection of Jesus Christ, the son of God. But the celebrations of Easter have many customs and legends that are pagan in origin and have nothing to do with Christianity.


Traditions associated with the festival survive in the Easter rabbit, a symbol of fertility, and in colored easter eggs, originally painted with bright colors to represent the sunlight of spring, and used in Easter-egg rolling contests or given as gifts.



So everybody... we coloured our eggs... and hope the easter bunny won´t forget us ! We have a family and friends easter hunt and afterwards a brunch... we are so looking forward to it...



Happy Easter to all of you !

My mood....

my mood... how do i feel? why does everybody wants to know? ... how do you feel when you have a hurting heart ? oh common... give me a break... i have the same dream over and over again... i enter the room and there is Scott kissing a girl... they see me and start to laugh... i start to cry... i close the door and walk away... hey... i think that´s good... i close the door... and i walk away... but...

And it only hurts when I'm breathing...My heart only breaks when it's beating...My dreams only die when I'm dreaming...So, I hold my breath--to forget....

God...

God only cries for the living, cause it´s the living that are left to carry on !

God only cries for the living, cause it´s the living that are so far from home !
Who would have thought that you could hurt me the way you've done it?
So tell me now, tell me now why you're so far away when I'm still so close?

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry".
You said you would love me until you die.
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby!
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart!!

I tried so hard to be attentive to all you wanted.
Always supportive, always patient. What did I do wrong?
I'm wondering for days and hours...
It's here, it isn't here where you belong...

Dear mr. president...

we bow to you PINK... yes SPEAK OUT ! WE ARE PROUD OF YOU... people go out and buy it... a song from an intelligent american girl...

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly
.What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why?

Dear Mr. President,
Were you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
Are you a lonely boy?
How can you say
No child is left behind?
We're not dumb and we're not blind.
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell.

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay?
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine.

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Can you even look me in the eye?

Let me tell you 'bout hard workMinimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you 'bout hard work
Hard work Hard work
You don't know nothing 'bout hard work
Hard work Hard work

Oh,How do you sleep at night?
How do you walk with your head held high?
Dear Mr. President,
You'd never take a walk with me.
Would you?

Angie and Scott...

Angie and Scott... a match made in heaven if you ask our friends... this is an old story... with tears... laughter... lots of love...

it happend about.... oh my... it was 2001 i think... it´s been such a long time already... i used to chat a bit more then... i was a regular in KL1... and we had lots of fun... i still have lots of friends there... even with me not chatting anymore... we kept in contact... so you CAN make good friends online... i experienced that... PJ! LOVE YA!

So i was room hopping...and i don´t remember what chat room... but i got to chat with a guy named Madness from australia... actually i think we had the same friend and he introduced us... so we pmd each other every time we were on at the same time... and that was difficult... cause of the time distance... we got to be very good friends... one thing we talked about was not ruining it jumping into an online relationship...

He even told me about his love life... i remember laughing so hard when he told me about his nights out with his mates... we got to be really good friends... time passed...

I had my rooms and he had his rooms... i never questioned what he did... i took him to my room but i guess he wasn´t too comfortable there... he introduced me to brendon... his brother... we had so much fun together... it was a blast... we grew closer and closer...he never told me about this chat room he was a regular... i knew the name... i knew where he was... but i never thought i would go there and check up on him... he never told me about Karen...