Hey Guys. Scotty here. No doubt you have been witnessing the rather unusual postings in Angies guest book from Vanessa? Well let me just clarify a few issues. Vanessa never wrote any of those things. The relationship between Angie and I could not be better. All I can say is, there is a person out there who obviously has their nose out of joint... for what reasons I dont know, but for whatever the mission, it is failing miserably. None of those accusations are holding up. But I must admit, it does make for interesting reading. I think you should get into story writing. So I have a simple solution for all of this. Believe non of what you read and only half of what you see. As a matter of fact, Vanessa is 6 months pregnant to her new boyfriend, dare I say Fiance, and she is very happy with him. Congratulations to them both, I wish them all the best. Vanessa would sooner slash her wrists that take me back. ( Doesnt say much for me I know ) so why would she even bother with me when she is happy with whom she has already got? Angie knows this. She can see how humorously pathetic this all is. And she is starting to look forward to the next installment of gibberish. Well if any of you have any doubts to anything I just said, then remember this, If you try to please everybody, No body will like it. I know about my past. I did it. But that was then. This is now. I am happy with Angie. Angie is happy with me. Vanessa has a bun in the oven to a bloke who drives trucks and she is happy. And it seems a particular someone has a bee in their bonnet cause things just dont go as well as planned. Hooroo Folks. Sorry for the drama.
Scotty... A.K.A Madness

ha ha

Scott, what did we say? Ignore!!!

I love u too baby. U know i am not that stupid to believe all that bullshit. So u don´t have to worry. It´s all good. It was so easy to see through. They´ll give up sooner or later. Remember what we talked about on the phone today!

Don´t worry. i won´t leave u. so u really dont need to worry.

xmas over

morga ischt silveschter, scott und vanessa wörand sicher net zemma fira. und mit dar karen erscht reacht netta. dia blöde kuah. dia karen brucht so ungfrör zwanzg zanti. aber des kriagt si net. erscht reacht net vom scott. und wia sie des zum übrebringa wöt mit da vanessa, so luschtig. als ob i des net checka würd. des ischt so a lausige sach. aber mir seand jo net blöd.
Ha ha ha. vanessa ischt jo schwangar, aber net vom scott, des woass i ganz gnau. so ischt des luschtig zum leasa was für an scheiss dia do abloht. bis bald.

Allna a guats neus Johr!!

Rutschand guat inne.

da scott und dángie

xmas wishes

Merry xmas and a happy new year !!

To all of our friends. thanks for your support and love.

Angie and Scott

one more day

one more day to go. xmas is near. the kids are so excited. wrapped all the presents. the tree is up. got all my shopping done. Yahhhhh. am so looking forward to tomorrow. Scott has to work but will be home during xmas day. It`s all good.

Um es nochmal zu sagen, es ist alles gut zwischen Scott und mir. Eine gewisse person, Karen, versucht uns auseinanderzubringen. Aber es gelingt ihr nicht. So keine Angst!
Danke für eure mails und anrufe. Aber wir haben es im Griff. Wir ignorieren es einfach. Irgendwann wird es ihr auch zu blöd!!

Fröhliche Weihnachten und einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr! *****

Everything is ready for scott. Things are taken care of. He is so looking forward to travel. Its cute how excited he is. He will post more on this blog. He promised you and he will keep it. We will keep u updated on his journey.


I almost forgot.
To all the ppl who approached me, concerned about me and scott. Its all good.
Scotts said:

"i am yours.
U are mine.
I love u truly, madly, deeply!
Tough shit to those whom oppose!"


Ho ho ho!

Santa is coming to town. We enjoy our time till xmas. Lots to do. Work is crazy. But we baked 7 different sorts of xmas cookies this weekend. We are proud of ourselves!! ya!

It is still snowing. Hope the snow lasts till saturday. We want a white xmas.

Scott is doing ok. He had a hard day at work. Something happend and he is pissed off at himself. But it will all turn out ok. I am sure. He is working so much, too much. And i know why he does it and i cant say anything against that. He is a wonderful man. I love him lots.

Sami called yesterday. He wants to come and spend xmas with me. Hope Scott wont freak. Lately he seems to be getting more and more jealous. A side i hardly saw on him. But i understand that he is not feeling good knowing me being surrounded by men. But he knows i only have eyes for him.

so long... see ya soon.


wonderful xmas time!!!
i love xmas. i looooove presents. i love scott! looking forward to his present. yeahaaaaaa. got his one already. wont tell cause its gonna be a surprise. everything is going just fine.

julia had her first xmas conzert with her junior band. it was wonderful. she brings me so much joy. she plays the trumpet so well. Manfred, andi, my dad, my sis, byron were there too. i invited her to eat chinese afterwards. it was a fun evening. scott was with us in our thoughts. he wished julia good luck. he so busy right now. working to get more money. but time flies fast till march. his mom is not doing ok. he has a lot of stress right now. of it will get better. in february we´ll be together 1 year. wow. time flies so fast. and it was a wonderful year. many more to come.

gotta go. see ya all later.


forgot to mention that i talked to pj. he actually called me. and we talked for well...almost an hour. he was just being himself. it was so nice to hear him.i consider him my friend. he...well considers me...well i dont know. he says he is not into friendship? but i mean a lot to him.
well pj. i consider u my friend. and we will hang out together one day. u just hang in there.
Love u
Okay. So I managed to get past the first step. now all I have to do is keep the flow going by finding interesting things to talk about. Angie is more open with her feelings on here than I am and can talk about how I make her feel. Me on the other hand, has difficulty in telling others how she makes me feel without feeling embarassed. not that she embarasses me. I just like to keep those kind of feelings to myself. I would rather express my emotions publicly through physical motions. I dont know how to write them down. but I guess with a little more confidence and perseverance I could do it. We will just have to wait and see.


sex. very frustrating for us right now. i awaked scotts mojo. oh well. a good thing if i WOULD BE THERE WITH HIM RIGHT NOW TO ENJOY IT!!!!!!
uhh. everytime we get close to phonesex we get disturbed. i am cheating on scott with my right hand every fucking day. lol. i want him so badly. ok ok. i better stop, this is private anyways. but hey we are just missing each other. but we will figure it out. and he has to stop make me horny all the time. damned the guy is on another continent and makes me wet. grrrrrrrr.

good done

what an entrance. well done baby!
now here u go. thats my man. can u ask for more? and for Da man, yeah, a bloke!!!
dont wanna say who u are? u call me ange so i know u?
i have been a not perfect gf ystd. yaaarrrkksss. but once again scott was so understanding.
i spent the night with a friend in a hotel room. not with the guy. but i couldnt find my way home cause i was so drunk. uhhh. i would have freaked out if scott would have done that.
why am i always doing such things?
nothing happend!!! but hey angie. dont fuck this up!
Well. I hope I have done this properly. Would hate to think that all this hard work Honey has put into this blog was destroyed in an instant because of me. Yes you guessed it. It is the man himself. Angie insisted I made an entry into her blog since now she considers me her other half. Only I dont know what to blog. I suppose I just pretend this is like my own personal diary and make entries into it about things that has happened?
Well... What can I say? a lot has happened over the last few months. As you have probably read already and are curious as to what happened to me that I changed so much that I am a different person? I dont know exactly? Call it a moment of clarity. A wake up call. Whatever you want to call it. I don't care. All I can say is I have been given a second chance in what was once a life with no direction or bearing. I have been given a second chance to prove to not only myself but to Angie as well that I can be whatever I want to be. I decided that I no longer wanted to be an immature, selfish and inconsiderate person and would like to focus on what I really wanted out of life. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to make someone else happy also. Wanted to meet someone special, settle down, get married, perhaps even have childeren. Then out of the blue. There she was. As if she knew what I was thinking. But from that moment on I realised that this was my second chance, and if I really meant what I said then this was the moment I have been waiting for. It took a long time for Angie to accept that I had changed. Didn't happen over night and it wasn't easy. I had to prove it to her. And in the process of it all I discovered a lot about myself. I learnt a lot. And I learnt a lot about Angie too. And I learned how to be happy again.
So... I will come in here now and again just to make an entry or two to update you guys on what has been happening between us. Almost like a soap opera. I'll try to keep it it as interesting as possible without going into too much personal detail. Anyway. Better go. At least you guys now know what happend from my point of view, and I hope to be back in here very soon. Hooroo from the Bloke from Down Under


time: oh i dont know
wearing: too much, its freezing cold outside
last talked to on phone: scott, my man
last kissed: julia
drinking: tea, lots of it
feeling: missing my baby so much
listening to: reason from hoobastank
tomorrow i: wanna have phonesex with my man
cried last: when i saw `veer and zaara` a bollywood movie
felt bad: when andi called me a stupid cow today, but hey i deserved it, hope he wont take revenge

love to be loved by you

Love to be loved by you

I can’t believe I’m standing here
Been waiting for so many years
And today I’ve found the queen to reign my heart
You changed my life so patiently
And turned it into something good and real
I feel just like I felt in all my dreams
There are questions hard to answer can’t you see

Baby tell me how can I tell you
That I love you more than life
Show me how can I show you
That I’m blinded by your light
When you touch me I can touch you
To find out the dream is true
I love to be loved by you

You’re looking kinda scared right now
You’re waiting for the wedding vows
But I don’t know if my tongue’s able to talk
Your beauty is just blinding me
Like sunbeams on a summer stream
And I gotta close my eyes to protect me
Can you take my hand and lead me from here please

Baby tell me how can I tell you
That I love you more than life
Show me how can I show you
That I’m blinded by your light
When you touch me I can touch you
To find out the dream is true
I love to be loved
I need to be loved
I love to be loved by you

I know they’re gonna say our love’s not strong enough to last forever
And I know they’re gonna say that we’ll give up
Because of heavy weather
But how can they understand
That our love’s just having sense
We keep on going on and on
Cause this is where we both belong

Baby tell me how can I tell you
That I love you more than life
Show me how can I show you
That I’m blinded by your light
When you touch me I can touch you
To find out the dream is true
I love to be loved
I need to be lovedI
love to be loved by you


oh what a day. am babysitting for a friend. she fell down the stairs. she hurt her foot and is in the hospital now.
i know ppl get bored reading about how happy scott and i are. well sorryyyyy!!
hey, i found my soul mate. we had our ups and downs but we made it. dont be jealous.
i worked hard to gain my trust again. i am sooooo looking forward seeing him. i wont let him go. i know. but he has to go back. he has his kids there. so i guess its gonna be me moving to aussie land. dont get me wrong. i love that country. i am sure it wont be a problem. but isnt waking up beside the person u love the best thing in the world??? ok not when he stinks like alcohol. lol. or farts. or... oh my god. ok. a girl can dream huh. lol.
i am NOT saying that scott does all that!!!

he would even sing a love song for me. oh wow. i promise i will let him do that. he says he isnt romantic but he is. maybe he is not aware that all the wonderful things he does are romantic.
and hmmm, am really curious if he writes me that love letter he promised me for so long. yeah he is forgetful. sighhh. u cant have all i guess. there would be something terribly wrong if he is mr perfect. i am no mrs perfect either.

i am so stressed with this guy right now. he wont leave me alone. he scares me so much sometimes. damned. a stalker is terrible. it kills me. i talk about it but it doesnt help. and scott is too far away. i always turn up alone at places. or with andi, he scared him off sometimes. we act like a couple sometimes. scott u didnt read this!! ahh i want it to end. he pisses me off so much.
even got an lil accident. oh scott i miss u so much i wanna kiss u so badly.

i guess u wont see much of austria. lol. maybe u leave my bedroom once in a while. when u beg? ahhh. so many things i will do to you. but ...private. u ppl can imagine i guess.
today i got some really nice sms from him. got butterflies in my tummy when i think about him.
i love u very much!

bla bla

finally i am back to blog a bit. have the accident behind me. the most wonderful man in this world still loves me. and i made it hard for him believe me. i am so bitchy sometimes. and he doesnt want to argue. he never does. oh that will be funny. he´ll be murdering me soon. no, no. its all good. we are doing just fine and i am proud of myself.

he just said the most wonderful thing to me ystd. i wont repeat, its private. but i just fall in love with this man more and more every day. Oh damn i really hope i dont mess this up !!!

Byron is driving me crazy. i just want to hit him. i know this is not right but i am so out of words and he drives me nuts. he cant just leave me alone. he has to follow me and tell me his peace of mind. he has a gf damned, why doesnt he talk to her??????? WHY ME??????

am worried bout pj. tried to call him and couldnt get trough. where are you???? contact me pls.

julia just had her 10th bday. boy is she big now. and i dont feel that old!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you my sunshine!!!

tonight we will watch a bollywood movie together. i know i will cry like a baby. but i dig this movies. mwahhhhh.

i love you mr scott missen. sorry for being to difficult at times. hang in there plsssss!!! i am worth it.


oh what a way to wake up. shortly b4 my alarm rang i got an sms this morning. oh! i think, from my baby. half asleep i read it and damneeeed! he talked to karen???

From Scott to angie

Morning sweetcheeks!
Got online today at work. Looked at your blog.
signed the guest book.
And... i know this is gonna piss u off.
While i was on. cheking my mail.
Karen messaged me.
she said hello. i dídnt know who it was first.
then when i discoverd it was her, i said i had to go.
And signed off. I´m sorry baby.
but i had to tell you!
I don´t want anything to do with her.
Please dont be mad at me!

Hello!!! HellOOOOOOOO!!!!??????????
please dont be mad? i have to say i was not mad for even 1 sec. i was scared. not mad. scared.
i cried. sitting on toilet. can u believe it?? i didnt know what to answer. what a way to wake me up. dont get me wrong i was happy he told me. it was good. but it bothered me. my worst nightmare!!
i was joking about it and there it came true.
but i trust him.
He just messaged me. gotta go. blog more next time when i calmed down.


You're a song
Written by the hands of god
Don't get me wrong
cause This might sound to you a bit odd
But you own the place
Where all my thoughts go hiding
And right under your clothes
Is where I find them

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
for being such a good girl honey

Because of youI forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of youI'm running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party's over
We will still belong to each other

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey

I love you more than all that's on the planet
Movin' talkin' walkin' breathing
You know it's true
Oh baby it's so funny
You almost don't believe it
As every voice is hanging from the silence
Lamps are hanging from the celing
Like a lady to her good manners
I'm tied up to this feeling

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserveFor being such a good girl honey


you´re a song written by the hands of god
dont get me wrong
this might sound to you a bit odd
cause u own the place
where all my thoughts go hiding
right under your clothes
is where i find them!

Underneath your clothes is an endless story

forgot the words!!!

Underneath your clothes are all the things i deserve for being such a good girl scotty!!!

oh man!!!

Pj!! Common!!! What?? U know i love u too. But that comment hurt. Still love u though. U should know that man!!!!

It´s sunday. Rainy day. Yuckyyyyy!!!

Andi cooked for us (Julia and me) yesterday. We survived. He is so sweet. Love him lots.

Scott turns out to be my perfect man. Damn. Had to f**** so many guys to get to him. but it was fun. lol. Just joking !!!!!

He treats me like his princess. He says things( and i dont mean "i love u!") that go straight to my heart. i found my man!!!!

Damn, he even likes to to house cleaning! I am in heaven!!!!!!

Love u baby. hope u had a nice day at your grannies. saw the pics. looking good sweetheart.

will blog more soon. got no time today.


scott has the kids this weekend. they are asleep now. he is a wonderful father. i already told him, if it works out with us ( and it will!!!) i want another child. he´d be the perfect father. but the thing is. he wants to get married. first marriage and then children. now thats something huh?
says a lot bout him. but when i see him with his kids i know he is the one.

this week i was really pissed at him. i didnt wanna talk to him. it was a misunderstanding. but it hurt. i actually sat there and cried. grrrrrrr. he said he considers himself single. SINGLE. so i thought. F*** him!! then i am single too.

we tried to get well hmmm intimate over the phone. but it never works. there´s always something going wrong. and this time my phone went out and right away i got a call. thinking it was scott i answered it well , i was talking dirty. auweiiaaa. it was somebody else and he got turned on. again. ( it was the guy i kissed loosing a bet). scott was pissed at me kissing another guy but he calmed down. so the guy turns up at my door with flowers all turned on. Shreeekkk. why does this always happen to me??? Simon- ahm. sorry if i turn u on a lot lately. really not my intention. but i am with scott and i love him.

and simon, to about ur girl i have to say. " Dont u wish your girlfriend was hot like me??? Dont u wish your girlfriend was raw like me!!"
u know what i mean. lol.

oops i gotta go. am being picked up. going out tonight. but dont tell scott !!! it´s a secret


Time: 11:09pm
Wearing: shorts and t-shirt
Drinking: nada
Missing: Scott
Person i last talked to: sabine
I want to: feel scotts hands on me
Now i: go to sleep
2morrow i: will bake a cake, ah nah, i will do nothing


Lee Ryan- Army of lovers
Söhne Mannheims- zurück zu dir

I am trying to find: Alex Lloyd- Amazing

good night ppl

old posts

OH MY GOD !!! I shouldn´t be doing this. This hurts. My old posts. NO i have to. It´s ok.
It´s all good.

luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: are u happy when u are with karen?
madness181_69: being my self is what got me into this mess
madness181_69: yes...she makes me happy....

luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: how is ya gf?
madness181_69: we broke up..
madness181_69: she had issues..
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: oh no
madness181_69: but I um...
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: sorry to hear
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: but u um?
madness181_69: went back to..
madness181_69: umm
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: dont say karen
madness181_69: :-S
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u went back to kitty?
madness181_69: yes
madness181_69: makes ya mad
madness181_69: doesnt it
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: not mad
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: makes me feel like shit
madness181_69: I thought it would
madness181_69: what happened to your bloke?
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i broke up with him
madness181_69: ok
madness181_69: you never said
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: was it important?
madness181_69: no
madness181_69: i mean here on line
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: omg
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i lost cause i wasnt online?
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u know why i wasnt online
madness181_69: you dont get it..
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: and u knew how to contact me
madness181_69: you were busy
madness181_69: I know..
madness181_69: i contemplated that for so long
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: oh u mean she shows and i dont show myself naked and all
madness181_69: hey...
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: well i am sorry....i am just not like that
madness181_69: no thats not it
madness181_69: and its not fair
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u asked me to be fair?
madness181_69: no i didnt
madness181_69: Angie..
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i dont know what i have done to you so u treat me like that.....hurting me like this
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: but i have to accept
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: dont worry
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: i accept
madness181_69: I missed you heaps
madness181_69: really i did
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u missed me so much u went back to karen
madness181_69: I just considered you had finished with me
madness181_69: thought you were happy with what was happening in your life..madness181_69: after I hurt you so much
madness181_69: I never knew that I would ever be considered again
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: u knew
madness181_69: i did not
luv_it_when_u_call_me_miel: but u didnt want too
madness181_69: I knew we would always be friends

Hurricane Katrina

Horrible pictures when u turn your TV on. Makes the floodings that happend here a week ago look like kindergarden. Here (vorarlberg/austria) also ppl died. Many lost all they had.
Houses, businesses, a life´s worth of work. Ur tempted to turn away. U get immune to the pics on TV every day. That shouldnt happen.

Hopes Bush takes actions. Changes his climate politics. this wont be all if they dont change the climate politic.






Scotts sms made me smile yesterday.

"Morning baby. Had the strangest MF dream last night.
We got married.
But not your normal everyday wedding."

5:13 am

"Morning babe.
wow u did? How did we get married?
Hey, u didnt even ask me yet!"


"It was in a church. Lots of ppl.
But the ceremony was strange. Not usual.
But would u marry me if i asked you?"


at this point i called him and shouted YESSSSS into the phone. LOL.
But no worries. He doesnt know yet, but i want him to think about how he proposes to me.

Just a clue mr. missen. U on your knees. Romantic athmosphere. Flowers. Music. And the rest i think bout when i stop crying. Ah damn why do i have to be so emotional?????

I know him for so many years now. And he still surprises me.

And guys sometimes he suffers lots with me. Yeah i know. I wanna talk lots. It gets better i swear. But so many things i need to talk about. And he is so patient.

The same old story over and over again. Don´t know why i cant let it go. But i always feel i did something wrong. I know Scott, u tell me over and over again that it wasnt me.

But i didnt see it coming, yeah i know i didnt expect it, but... well i dont know. It still hurts.

Trouble in paradise

- and he didnt even know. Or did he? i was pissed at him. i wanted his attention, he wanted his peace and watch TV. i was pissed. It might sound like i am a spoiled girl. NOOOO!!!


He is damn far away and i grab every opportunity i get to be close to him. I am not good at this long distance thing i said that b4. Wahhhhh!!!!!!!!!

I need my girl Darlene!!!! I need her advise. I miss u girl. i will call u as soon as i can. U made it work and i have lots of respect.


Didnt wanna bitch PJ sorry.

pj´s comment

Just checked out pjs blog. wohoo. well. right now i am a lil hurt. didnt want to make him feel uneasy or hurt too. i ask him things cause i care. maybe i should just bla bla with him. the beginning was so nice and i had to smile. HE IS important to me. No need to worry bout the 40 thing pj. ur out of that. feel better??

Angie Callin'
It musta been in the wee mornin hours of Tuesday that my mobile rang and an unknown 019 number appeared on my cell. So I thought hey this must be someone crazy I dont know or someone crazy I do know calling from far far away on a VOB callcard..

And so it was.. Angie Honey calling me up again all the way from Austria. She sounded half asleep anyway but we dragged on for a bit..That's an ok talktime for a callcard aye.. Haha..

At a time when everyone close to my heart has somehow all disappeared and it's been a while since I talked to a familiar voice, Angie would always be there ery now and then. She's so far away but no matter how long we both would be out of touch she would always make a point to come talk to me on the phone somehow.

I hope in this very near future I could return her kindness by calling her up ery now and then too because of the facilities I have now. Well I did try a few times last week and on my Call Cards this week but I just cant seem to get through her number. We'll resolve that soon I hope.

She asked me then and at her blog.. How my love life is.. Gosh.. Cummon fuck Angie. You know i'm always so fucked up aye so dont ask. It hurts without you askin and it hurts even most when you do. So fuck up..

And she's always sayin well hey Peee JJay.. "If I turn 40 and I'm still havin' problems with my love life, I'll marry you.."Owh man I am soo touched.. Well heyyy to you.. You sure made my day ayee.. TTTTTTTThhhhhhanxxxxx a mil.. sure sure.. Yada Yada Yada.. Nada Nada Nada..

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found out a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
shezzzeeee. am still looking for the lyrics of this song.

"the reason" is very special to me. the story behind this is a man asking for forgiveness and for understanding. he called me one day and played me the song on the phone. i knew the song b4. but now it has a new meaning. every single word comes from scott´s heart. its´s like him singing to me. i admit i had to cry. i hope he didnt hear it. he never mentioned me crying so phewww.
its romantic and he know i am a terrible romantic woman. but what can i do. i just talked to him on phone ( wednesday 9:30pm). he is leaving for work now. hope u have a nice day.
awwwww pj. i got a call sayin i should check my blog. i know u wanna protect me. dont have time to post more now. i love him pj. just be there for me. ur my friend and u know ur important 2 me too. i'll try 2 call u again.

i wanted to have hoobastanks 'the reason' on the blog. it is special to me.

to the ppl who read this blog and know scott. 'its all good'

PJ-i didnt receive any of ur calls or sm. hope u doing ok. i wanna know what's up with u. whatcha doing? who u loving? beside me :)
its a rainy day here. once again. spent some time with scott. he told me something i have to chew on for a while i guess . groooowwwwlllllll
Owh ok now she's gone AWOL.. well anyway angie i hope u'll excuse my mouth btw.. i always have a problem to say the right things.. but u know i love you anyway.. i hope julia's fine.. i came in again a bit this Wensday morning.. This is my song btw..

If anythin' im always at my current blog aye.. u take curr..

dear angie:

got ur call again this evening round 5 ++ on my way back.. im so sorry again but i was driving and i couldnt get to the phone in time before you hung up.. im sorry. i called ur number but it said the T mobile is out of service or sumthin i donno.

i really cant help much on the blog these days cos i dont spend that much time online due to bla bla bla things i hafta to do.. but i'll try my best if you can just leave messages on what u wanna done, i try my best..

about ur personal relationship if that's what u were referring to as "did u read" and my support.. i dont really understand whats goin on cos im out of focus and out of synch. i would always support you any which way u'd turn and the way u were rambling about i think ur heading for another bad decision. i dont think u were ever good at makin decisions regarding ur personal relationships. but u'd never follow my advise anyway so i dont think it matters in the 1st place. support is not agreeing wif wat u do or the decisions u make. i support u in the sense that i wud never forsake you for every wrong or right decision u make and if there was a way for me to give more quality time to u i hope it will come some day soon.. i miss u..
eiiiiii.....didnt get ur sms....but i tried to call u quite a few times...wanna talk to you!!!!!!!!!!!!
hope u feeling alright.

scott was visiting my blog and he was alright with was he saw. did u read pj? hope u are alright with my decisions too. u have to trust me on this one. i know what i am doing. so please support me on this pj.

scott is sick. he just sms´d me. hope he is feeling better soon. wanna be there to care for him. just bought a new phone with mms function to make and send pics. and now they tell me it just works in austria. oh right. grrrrrrrrrrrrooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.
gotta sm back to scott and then go to sleep.

pj. wanna change a few things here. can u help??? i will mess it up.

am trying to get "the reason" from hoobastank.
thats scotts fave song. and it says exactly what he feels.
eyy angie baby im so sorry aight.. i got ur voice mail yesterday, wensday.. i been havin some problems wif my fon aight.. maybe next week it get better.. i tried to sms u once some time ago and it seemed to get through but you didnt reply.. so i cant be sure.. u take care aight.. muackkzzz****
Little things that bother me. Things u can change in a second. U not being there when i need u. Promises u make and dont keep. Small promises. Promised calls, letters and so on. Maybe i am giving it to much thoughts. But, it does bother me. Can i rely on you?

U said i shouldnt give up on you, even though things are complicated. And i won´t. I always keep my promises. I am trying to involve u in my daily life. At times i think it´s buggin u sometimes, although u swear it´s not.
Another thing, putting wrong meaning, wrong emotions in words and actions. (Babe i am not a moody bitch!!!)

Ystd i had a bad day. I didn´t call. I called u today and once again i woke u up. Sowwwy. I hoped u would ask what is wrong with me. But i heard u were tired. I understood.
Long distance relationships---do they work? I think i am not goot at it. My girl darlene did it-she´s happily married now. The distance kills me. I realized once again when he confesses to me him dating this girl. And i, once again, had no clue. He swears there was nothing. Can i blame him?
I always told him that he is a free man. I am not naive. I am not there. But many girls are, beautiful ones. And he is after all a man. Even a few weeks ago i still dated. Unaware of his strong feelings towards me now. I remember his sms saying: Babe i want u to be happy. And i do whatever i can to make sure of that. Even if it means u date other guys. I love you!
Still got the sm on my mobile.

I wonder, i really wanna know what was going on in him. When did i b ecome more than just a friend. I wanna know. But shouldn´t it just be enough 2 know i was always there in his heart?
I have so many questions to ask him.
About- Karen. He says that wasn´t him- he doesn´t know why it happend. But it happend.
I try to remember: we met, were friends, talked about everything. We connected right away. When it got hot between us we agreed to stay as far away from a online relationship as possible. I was still in a relationship-not happy as u can tell. but i felt content about the way our relationship grew. He even told me about picking up girls, him meeting his ex. Damn we talked about his sexlife. Yup. It was going fine. And then we messed it up. We took the step. I was single by then. Had a hard time and should´ve known better. But it seemed to go well.
Hmmmm, i thought so. Our online love.

He had his rooms he went to , so did i. I was a regular at KL1. Never controlled what he was doing, never followed him. Cause i didn´t want him to do that either. But damn i should have paid more attention. Yes, it was strange i always got booted when he took me with him to that room. Now i know it was her. She was jelaous. She had an eye on my man. I saw the signs, but ignored them. I knew him well enough to not be jealous. What i didn´t know was how weak he was. She had him under control.

One day he stopped talking to me. I saw he was online. I came into that chat room.
Oh boy, i still cry thinking bout that day. I had absolutely no idea what was coming my way.
He was there, but he didn´t say a word. That woman on the other hand said many words.
Like bullets. I was so shocked.
She said: stop stalking scott. and a few more things i don´t wanna repeat. I dont even wanna think about. And he said NOTHING. I was devastated. What had happend? No idea. Did he make such a fool out of me on purpose? All things he said. NO, no. I couldn´t be so wrong. I called him, crying, asking to tell me what happend.

Oh PJ was there for me. And i needed him. Scott broke my heart, among other things.
I thought, ya my fault. Why am i so stupid? He taught me a lesson and i will learn!!!

And surprise, his brother Brendon was there for me too. Talking to him was good for me. He cheered me up. Scott wasn´t to know Brendon and me had contact and i trusted Brendon.

Still saw Scott online, his comments beside his nick. Him being "a good boy" for Karen. I was hurting. What did she have that i don´t ? I had to accept that he choose to be with her. I was never betrayed like that. Nobody ever hurt me like that. I felt so naive. The more time i spent with Brendon the more I knew that wasn´t the real Scott acting. But he had broken everything i felt for him!

But i got to know how many real online friends i had. Offline i always had a safety net. But to have one online too surprised me. Pj, Darlene, Brendon, Jaff and so on.
Thanks to all of u !!!
Somebody else stepped into my life, who turns out to become important to me. A close friend. Jaiveer.

I rememberd a letter i sent to scott. By mail. A love letter. Yup i admit i am a hopeless romantic. I felt sick thinking of him actually reading the letter. All i could think of was how to stop him from reading, from getting to know what i felt. Damn, Brendon lived to far away to go and get it. Postal service said "Sorry nothing that we can do". I realized there was just 1 way. A way that was hard for me. I don´t know how long i sat there looking at his nick "madness".
Contact him, yes, no,yes, no,yes, no. Scared he wouldnt answer. I did it.
And- he did answer.

I tried to be as cool as possible. Asking him to send the letter back. Not to read it. And-he was so nice, so full of sorry, so-so Scott. All he could say that he is sorry and he didn´t mean to hurt me. Bla bla bla. But he did. I was so confused. What was going on with him? All i remember is us arguing, me asking what i did wrong (why do women always think they are the problem?),
him saying it was him not me.

But the one thing that stayed strongly on my mind: him not wanting to hurt nobody anymore, not Karen, nobody but hell- hurting me was ok?
And-he wasn´t fighting for me. He never did. That was the clearest sign for me how stupid all that was. I knew now how much i ment to him. It was clear.

And...though years later. Here i am. His girl. Scotts girl. He faught his way back into my life, my heart. Where he always was. I know that now.
Yeah maybe u think: how stupid is that woman? I heard that reaction many times. We went a long way. We both knew that "online relationships" couln´t work. Nevertheless we did it.

Now, well now i am cautious. I am protecting myself. I know Scott u are not happy to hear this. but u hurt me once. I know u asked me to decide if i trusted u again. You let me decide if there is an US or not. Still have so many questions and your ready to answer them. I am surprised how honest u are. And it helps me to trust u more. I do love u. We know each other so well now.

But still-the distance scares me. Not being there, u not being here when i need u.
But still the distance scares me. Not being
sitting: balcony
drinking: water
talked last on phone 2: Manfred
2day: my sis came 2 visit- i have to learn 2 love her more and dont just see the negative stuff-
i´m all she got
listening 2: miss J.Lo and No Angels ( there´s no angel inside of me-its all in your mind...what
u get boy aint what u see...aint that a surprise!)
i miss: Scott
i think about: Sabine and Deniz-hoping the surgery goes well
song on my mind: No Angels-Washes over me
... when the river of regret rushes past ur door will u give me just a thought and wish u
loved me more, well forgive me if i dream dote on memories but sometimes what might
have been washes over me... the colour of my lips after kissing u all night my hair was such
a mess by the time the morning came u held it up my neck, said u liked it best that way...
what might have been if she hadnt caught ur eye, wud i be the one u never leave, would
grow old by ur side?
can´t get rid of: Scott words-him talking about dating and i didn´t have a clue!!!!
Ever heard about people being meant for each other?
I always thought: yeah yeah bla bla. But. It caught me. I can´t escape Mr. Scott Missen. I have to admit he got my heart, my soul, my body - I am his. I never thought this could happen. Especially with this man. I loved him, i hated him, i tried to forget about him, i cried, at times i wished i would have never met him. I was in other relationships.
He found his way back into my life. When i realized-we were already friends again. But i didnt take him seriously. Him being so far away i kept him at distance. We decided to be friends.
Better than than nothing. He was in a relationship. Then dating. I never minded. He lived together with his gf. I had no problem with it.

Now, july 29th 2005 he tells me he´s been on a few dates with a girl. My heart stopped beating, i was scared, shocked feelings i never wanted to feel again. I was plain jealous. I dont wanna think about him with someone else. Going out, having fun, laughing. It bothers me. I wanna scream.

How did he do it????
How did he get me into this condition??
I said: Let´s be friends- he stole my heart- once again.

I know of his good and bad sides. I accept his weaknesses. He was leaving it up to me.
- Angie, you decide if u trust me again, all i know is that i love u-
oh well oh well. All i know is that this man has come back to my life and swept me away.
And he is here to stay.
oh well readers, we have opend a new chapter. We began a new story. Let´s see. I am jumping abord. Australia here i come. An austrian in australia. Yeahaaaaa.

Mr. Missen i love u

here i am again. was a beautiful day. we had much fun. it was sunny. i talked to scotty who had to work ( nah nah nah nah nah). sorry. i do miss u baby.

for the record. scotty and me are not a couple. NO. i am not saying we wont be in future. but we are not so naive to pretend something. we are best friends. i am just single again and pheww it was hard between 2 men. i ended it. but...scotty is still there. and he will be. i love him dearly and accept all his moods and bad sides too. he saw mine already. thank god he still talks to me. he hangs in there. and i am proud that we didnt rush into something. we are handling it pretty good i think. sheeze i had too much sun. hope i dont sound too confuse.

i am glad i talked to pj!!! he is still the same. at least on the phone with me. glad he is in my life. even though he is far away.

my political life is going well. tiring, boring but sometimes fun. uhh.

had a romantic date with andreas. was wonderful but the wrong guy. he is so sweet and i am proud to be his best friend. we talked forever and ever and late at night went home. we gave the stars new names. well we didnt know what we were looking at. drank wine and were scared of the noises in the forest. hope he gets a nice girl one day. he really deserves it.

julia had her second concert and she was fab again. summer vacation starts soon. we´ll be in vienna and 2 weeks at a beach somewhere. i am so proud of her. although its not cool to hang with me anymore. sighhhhh. i am not cool to her. oh well. a mothers destiny.

finally found the lyrics to one of my fave songs. yahhhhh


Recipe For Love

A little bit of me and a whole lot of you
Add a dash of starlight and a dozen roses, too
Then let it rise for a hundred years or two
And that's the recipe for making love

It doesn't need sugar 'cause it's already sweet
It doesn't need an oven 'cause it's got a lot of heat
Just add a dash of kisses to make it all complete
And that's the recipe for making love

And if you've made it right you'll know it
It's not like anything you've made before
And if you've made it wrong you'll know it
'Cause it won't keep you coming back for more

I didn't get it from my grandma's book upon the shelf
I didn't get it from a magical and culinary elf
No, a little birdie told me you can't make it by yourself
And that's the recipe for making love

just totally love this song. i am singing it to julia all the time. also the other great one from that album "we are in love". yup. she is beggin me to stop but i just love to sing that song to her. especially when we are taking a bubble bath. she loves her mummy!!!!
hello again!!!!

just jumped into the "blue" website. duncan is so hot. grrrrrrrr. yahhh he is a cutie. and yes i admit it. i love the music of blue. yap. i have bought the cd and i already have 2 blue dvd. i can still blame it on julia. lol. well now not anymore. she is more into lee.


go and explore.

" cruel to the eye
i see the way he makes u smile
cruel to the eye
watching him hold what used to be mine....."

sounds familiar scott? uhhh i am naughty. sowwy. soooorrryyyyyy. oh man i can be a bitch sometimes but then i remember being a bitch can be very positive. lets see if i can remember right.

b - beautiful
i - individuum
t - that
c - causes
h - hardons

yup girls. being a bitch is not so bad.
its getting late. me getting sleepy. was trying to dive a lil into the chatworld again. and i have to say i dont miss it. i miss my friends. but thats about it. no more nahhhh. just wished i could spend more time with scott. but i guess life is killing us. too busy to life. ya right. he must be getting up now.

left some messages for pj. hope u doing fine babe !!! dont know whats going on with him and that worries me a bit. hope he is healthy again.

There's a thousand words that I could sayTo make you come homeOh, seems so long ago you walked awayLeft me aloneI remember what you said to meYou were acting so strangeand maybe I was too blind to seeThat you needed a changeWas it something I saidTo make you turn away?
To make you walk out and leave me coldIf I could just find a wayTo make it so that you were right here
But right now..I've been sitting hereCan't get you off my mindI've tried my best to be a man and be strongI've drove myself insaneWishing I could touch your face

But the truth remains..You're gone..You're gone..Baby you're goneGirl you're gone, baby girl, you're gone..You're gone..You're...I don't wanna make excuses, babyWon't change the fact that you're goneBut if there's something that I could doWon't you please let me know?

Time is passing so slowly nowGuess that's my life without youand maybe I could change my every day But baby I don't want to So I'll just hang aroundand find some things to doTo take my mind off missing youand I know in my heartYou can't say that you don't love me tooPlease say you do
I've been sitting hereCan't get you off my mindI've tried my best to be a man and be strongI Drove myself insaneWishing I could touch your faceBut the truth remainsYou're gone..You're gone..You're goneYou're gone...you're gone.. you're....GoneOhhh...Oh what'll I doIf I can't be with youTell me where will I turn toBaby who will I beNow that we are apart

Am I still in your heart? Baby why don't you see?That I need you here with meOohhh...I've been sitting hereCan't get you off my mindI've tried my best to be a man and be strongI've drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your faceBut the truth remainsBeen sitting hereCan't get you off my mindI've tried my best to be a man and be strongI drove myself insaneWishing I could touch your face
But the truth remainsYou're gone..You're gone..You're goneYou're goneGoneYou're gone..But the truth remainsYou're....
You Gotta Be
Listen as your day unfolds,challenge what your future holdsTry to keep your head up to the skyLovers they may cause you tearsGo ahead release your fearsStand up and be counted,don't be shamed to cryYou gotta be..
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold,you gotta be wiserYou gotta hard, you gotta be tough,you gotta be strongerYou gotta be cool, you gotta be calm,you gotta stay together.All I know, all I knowLove will save the day
Herald what your mother saidRead the books your father readTry to solve the puzzlein your own sweet timeSome may have more cash than youOthers take a different viewMy oh my, you gotta be..
Time asks no questions, it goes on without youLeaving you behind if you can't stand the paceThe world keeps on spinning, can't stop it if you tried toThe best part is danger staring you in the face
Got to be bad. Got to be boldGot to be wise. Don't ever be coldGot to be hard. Not too, too hardAll I know is, love will save the day
time: 9:24 pm
drinking: too much ice-tea
wearing: jeans and a shirt
listening to: my love is like whoaaaaa from mya
i am glad that: the day is almost over
am proud of: my beautiful daughter- she had her first trumpet concert-she was awesome
last talked to on phone: mom from school
last cried: oh i dont know-crying so many times
enjoyed: laughing and having a coffee with sabine-my lovely neighbour from 1st floor
tomorrow i have to: do too many things-grrrrrrrr
today i: had another argument with my father-yup its hard to be the black sheep in the family

sorry i missed ur call scotty- i do miss u terribly too darling-hope u keeping chin up-we going to make it, no worries. today was a nice day. spent it with ppl i like, and thats very good. lots of things coming up this weekend. being in politics turns out to be very interesting. going to make the best of it. learning new things. yeah.

skin on skin- just a lil bit more love- just a lil bit more passion- this is how it should begin- skin on skin!
hope i didnt hurt u by going out with another guy. i had the feeling u were putting up a good face just to make me think ur ok with everything. or maybe i was just hoping for a lil bit more jealousy. was there any? i dont know. could i expect any? hmmm. its hart to so far apart. but we know and i think u agreed that we would mess it up. so lets make the best of it mr missen. u know i think a lot of you. but.... i just cant trust u yet. thats the one thing u dont have of me. i am sorry but i cant trust u yet. i still have worries. i dont know what happend last time. i didnt see it coming and i am scared of that. i dont wanna be hurt again. u promised me that´ll never happen again. i do want to believe u. trying so hard. but i think the it is its ok. i do miss u terribly. i hope u know that !!!!
ayaaaa pj. so nice to see u post here. plz come back here to talk to me. glad u doing fine. me doing ok too. much stress but i am living i guess. sunday is julia´s first conzert playing the trumpet. she is already nervous. she is growing up so fast. i am doing ok. diving into politics. trying to survive there. i am still working on my personal changes i need to make. damn i am so lazy sometimes. but one positive thing or man in my life turns out to be SCOTT. yah him. love him so dearly. we´re so close friends now. cant miss him in my life. he picks me up when i am down. Love u scott ! hope to hear from you pj!!!

here is my number
Hun i didnt get the sms.. Try calling or sms this number instead when ur up to things aye.. I wish we can catch up on things @YM some day soon aight.. I'm mostly on this id, add me up. Its easier cos its linked to my mobile device, so I'd know if ur online:

mobile: +60134269000

Good luck wif ur stuffs aight. I miss you..
time: who knows
wearing: oops i was colourblind this morning
drinking: coffee
spoke last to: my neighbour
proud of: julia, she has her 1st solo with her trumpet soon in a conzert
worried about: scott- whats going on with him-wish i could be closer to him to be there for him
cried last: ystd when i was watching a bollywood film- gosh i love those movies
today i have to: attend the almost last meeting b4 the election

it was a beautiful day 2day-took time off in the afternoon 2 be outside with the kids-also sad-1 year ago i lost the baby-emma
hmmm....well....whats new....many things....nothing? still here. still feel empty. julia keeps me going. she is the best !!!!! love her to pieces. another light in my life is SCOTT! he is so sweet. enjoy his humor, his love, his friendship. and of course his sms on my mobile. yeahaaaa. those pick me up when i am feeling down. thank u for that. hope i can be the same to u as u are for me baby. fair dinkum !!!!!
am taking a step into politics. my neighbour made it interesting. and theres some motion going on. young, female and a lot to say. yahhh i am the right one. lets see.
tuesday, 25 th of january....funeral over-more than 200 ppl-raining-but all done-healing can begin-but i miss her-more than words can say-life goes on ppl say-yeah its like that-julia is fine-she is the most precious girl-i love her to pieces-world here i come again
"und wenn ein lied meine lippen verlässt, dann nur damit du liebe empfängst!"

u will live in our hearts. heaven has his angel back.



Doris Treffer
here i am again. but-sad, devastated,lost, empty, dont know how to discribe it. my mom died last saturday. they called me, but i came to late. no more talks, no more hugs no more mom. now i have to organize the 3rd funeral since march last year. i hav enough!!!!!!! i dont want no more. feel so empty. somehow i always put the thought of her dying far away. she was doing better. i didnt want her to die. i am feeling selfish. i want her back. my eyes so swollen. weak knees. the doctor said i ll be ok. it ll take a few days. it takes longer. friday is the funeral. i hope i can get through it. no - i will get through it. for her. mom i love u! we will never forget u! u live in our hearts and thoughts forever!!!
honey baby glad to see u can blog in again. i read ur email and made blog to send u ur password.. maybe dats why u can blog in again.. i donno. i didnt have much time to reply things cos im not online much as well but juz keep in touch aye cos my blog is alwiz up and i'd alwiz be there. i'll try to be around soon so we can talk. but ur not dat ez to get urself aye.. **muackz..
am drained out. no energy. nada. absolutely nada. still aching. lost the baby. lost the man. he couldnt handle it. lost my granny. my mums sick. but ...i am a surviver. how? i will figure out. bad things happend in this world. we didnt celebrate new year after seeing those horrible pictures from the flooding. we cant imagine. how is that possible. there is more to come i fear. my best friend converted. she is a muslim now.i still love her 2 pieces. and there is scott. i dont know. love him too. he is close to me though he is so far away. he gives me strenght. he is troubled. fights with himself. he will make it. i will help him. and pj? havent heard from him. posted. mailed. nada. hope u doing ok pj. hope i didnt do anything to make u feel bad.love.

how is a man suppose to change? by blue (for scott. listen to it baby)

i am still hanging in there. new year. new chances. somewhere out there he is. i know.
DATE: 3rd of january. my moms bday
sitting: in a cold place
talked last to: julia
eat last: cake
wearing: too much cause its freaking cold

xmas is over. new year begun. sad things happeninig.didnt feel like celebrating at all.