Happy new year ...

Hey everybody... did Santa bring a lot of presents to ya??? I got a few, was a very nice xmas we had.. will talk more about it... today is silvester...wohoooo... the new year is near... Scott is already in 2007... already talked to him... my baby... i love you...

to all my friends

Happy new year !!!

Einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr !!!

We will get drunk... yeahawwwww

everything will be fine...


Merry christmas...

Xmas is near, I am in NO xmas mood. Oh this year it´s bad. Haven´t baked any cookies. Didn´t write and send any xmas card. And gift shopping is WAAHHHHH !!!! But... with friends it will be fine.

So to all my faithful blogreaders...

Merry christmas and a happy new year !

I wish you all a wonderful holiday season. All the presents you want. All the loved ones around you. A wonderful time !


If somebody doesn´t love you the way you want, doesn´t mean he doesn´t love you at all !!!!

It´s hard to feel unloved. It´s painful to feel unloved. It hurts to feel rejected. How much can you take before you crack? You give love, you love with all your heart, the wind is blowing hard and harder in your face. Tears rolling down every day now. Your heart hurts, you feel the pain. You hear 3 words. " I LOVE YOU !" is it enough? Enough to hang on ? You are quiet. you don´t talk back, afraid of upsetting somebody, ending up being the bad one again. Saying things he doesn´t like, doesn´t wanna think about, doesn´t wanna talk about. Yeah you are the one he loves. You are the one he ignores. You are the one he doesn´t wanna talk to. You are the one he is not interested in how your day was. No loving word. You take a step forward, you get thrown back 2 steps. You need him the most, he doesn´t even have a word of love and support. He is in distress. He is in pain. He needs me so much. He doesn´t know what to do. He is desperate. He feels lost. He loves with all his heart. He can´t hold his love. He can´t touch her. He can´t kiss her. He forgets to get a present. A card? Nothing...

Everything will be fine


my big girl...

oh oh... my girl is growing up... and to fast for me...oh man... she went to her first disco visit yesterday... it was a charity event... kids for kids... she spent almost all afternoon to get ready... i want my lil girl back...waaaahhhhhhh... this is going to fast for me... slow down my beautiful girl... mummy cant keep up with letting go... :(... its hard but i am also proud... sigh... sigh...


Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..The courage to change the things I cannot accept..And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people, I had to kill today..because they pissed me off!

i know... scott and me agreed to not talk about or give any attention to "IT". Sorry i have to say IT cause my man would freak hearing her name... she must have such a lousy poor life sheezeee... yesterday another PM... it´s been a year now and she is still stalking us with her sick friends... it turns out to be really funny... how pathetic... get a good fuck lah... from that hubbie u love so much... if ever... hmmm never... but if ever scott and me decide to seperate... it WONT BE CAUSE OF YOU !!! oh Jesus... she must have a miserable life... so why not let her take part in ours? have a glimpse at how happy we are... its been 22 months and there is no end in sight... sigh... oh grow up bitch and start thinking... you really thought i fall for your stupid tricks? so easy to see through... maybe think more and try harder... use some of your brain cells... you know what those are dont you? Well gotta go... hope scott doesnt get mad at me for mentioning her... but i feel so much pitty for her... sorry... but she made me laugh so many times he he he...

Everything will be fine



The last few weeks we have been watching POPSTARS and we loved it. We laughed and cried and we sang with them. The girls were so talented and it was a joy to see them perform. And we cried everytime one of our favourite had to leave. But the final band is just right. Senna ( was geht mann, krass ), Mandy ( sweet 16 ) and of course my fave Bahar ( www.bahar-freiburg.de ) . I am a fan of Bahar, she has so much talent. We cried when she performed Shame. Oh man...


Our final conversation
It lies heavy on the mind
And although we couldn’t say it
I think we know, we can’t go back this time

Though love and desperation
Is the writing on the wall?
And will all the lights stop flashing
Or is this the final curtain call

It’s such a shame, it’s such a shame
Don’t walk away, don’t walk away
All this time I thought I knew myself
But once again, I bury my head in shame.

Nothing lasts forever
A flower always dies
I never fed the beauty
Why can’t I see through other people’s eyes?

I’ve paid the price for all my sins
And when love ends new life begins
My independence always nails me to the floor
And it leaves me wanting more, leaves me wanting more

I got everything a girl could ever need
So why do I still feel like my life’s so incomplete
You made me beautiful, brought me to my knees
So please don’t go
don’t take the missing piece

It’s such a shame, it’s such a shame
Don’t walk away, don’t walk away
All this time I thought I knew myself
But once again, I bury my head in shame.

Dear Santa ...

all i want for xmas is HIM !!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Santa...

I think i have been extremely good this past year. And i write to you real early that u can make my only wish come true...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want himfor my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas Is Scott...

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
oh Baby all I want for Christmas...is

Teena ...

... i just read that Teenas Dad passed away a short while ago. We are so sorry to hear that Teena. Our heart goes out to you. We know what difficult time this must be for you. Our prayers and thoughts are with you Teena.

Angie and Scott

almost here ...

Did I hear you right?
Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
´cause your only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Days are shattered, how it hurts
Oh, haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here

But when I need you
you're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
And when I hold you
You're almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you
I'm close to tears
Cause I know I'm almost here ...

A wonderful song sung by Delta Goodrem and Brian McFadden... Almost here... nothing more to say...

Everything will be fine



time ... 2:30 pm
wearing ... black pants and a blue t-shirt
listening to ... Brad Paisley " She is everything to me "
cried last ... a half hour ago
talked last to ... julia
drinking ... warm tea
eating ... an orange
today i have to ... iron clothes, watch popstars finale, see sabine and silke, cry some more
i miss ... you all know that answer huh
tomorrow ... bake a cake, work a bit, TGIF, see maybe sylvia ?

Hey there ...

Hey everyone...sorry i haven´t been on that much lately... life is keeping me busy...but you all know what i am talking about huh... days go by so fast... julias bday has passed...she is becoming a wonderful young lady... but hard to handle sometimes... puberty sigh... i have to learn many things too... how to treat her and not always to jump at her, reminding myself that her hormons are at fault... grrrrr... today is thursday... weekend is here...thank god... its getting cold... just smsd scott but i guess he fell asleep infront of the idiot box... he had night shifts all week and it was too hot to sleep during the day... poor guy... i had a strange dream last night... Jaiveer tried to call me... i answered the phone but couldnt understand what he was saying... then there was scott... he ripped my pics up saying he doesnt need them anymore... he doesnt wanna kiss me anymore... he stopped doing that a long time ago... yelling at me to stop asking him stupid questions he doesnt wanna answer... what a stupid dream... sighhh... yesterday i spent the whole afternoon in a workshop sitting beside our major... oh man... that irritated me... i dont like that man... but i get good in faking laughs when he makes stupid jokes ... i am not a good politician... too sensitive i guess... cant lie... julia went iceskating... she has her first big english exam tomorrow... there is a big pressure on her cause she is the only one who spoke english already.. she has since growing up... she speaks english, spanish and german... she is very talented... i am proud of her...her english teacher knows me... tries to talk in english with me everytime he sees me...

Our mood ...

I think i talk in Sabines name when i say this reflects our mood and feelings at the moment...

We hurt but we will survive ...

I try to fly away but it's impossible
And every breath I take gives birth to deeper sighs
And for a moment I am weak
So it's hard for me to speak
Even though we're underneath the same blue sky

If I could paint a picture of this melody
It would be a violin without its strings
And the canvas in my mind
Sings the songs I left behind
Like pretty flowers and a sunset

It's heavy on my heart
I can't make it alone
Heavy on my heart
I can't find my way home
Heavy on my heart
So come and free me
It's so heavy on my heart

I've had my share of pleasure
And I've tasted pain
I never thought that I would touch an angel's wings
There's a journey in my eyes
It's getting hard for me to hide
Like the ocean at the sunrise

Love, can you find me in the darkness, and love,
Don't let me down
There's a journey in my eyes
It's getting hard for me to hide
And I never thought I'd touch an angel's wings

Everything will be fine



Sabine asked me yesterday...

Why do the people you like most always dissapoint you ???

thats why...

Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you
or heal you
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave you...

that´s why !!!
wearing: black skirt and a oliv sweater
Drinking: should drink coffee...lots of coffee
Feeling: tired, tired oh yeah and tired
Missing: Scott... so much... as always sigh
Last talked on phone to: Scott... he called to wish me a good night
This morning i : ... woke up happy cause of my wonderful dream
I wish : ... i had a cleaning maid when i see the afterparty mess !!!!!!!!
Laughed last with:... Sabine, looking at some funny articles in the newspaper
I am gonna : ... learn the Italian method ;-P
ate last : cake, choclate cake yummy mmmmmhhhh
had to smile when : ... i read chups email. Hey there chup if u read this... nice to hear from you!

I have to answer here to Justin, i think thats your name? To your email.
Sorry i havent been blogging that much. I promise to be on here more often now. But to your request, i talked with scott about it and i know blogging our personal Sms was always very popular. But to impress your girl you should use your own words, thats a message from Scott to you. As much as he likes to help you, but his are just for me. I think if u look inside your heart you will find the right words for your girl. I wont post any right now. My man wrote them just for me. Maybe some time later and maybe some from me to my baby? U can email me and tell me whats up in your relationship. I will answer you, it´s all good.

Julias B-day !!!!

Oh man. My girl had her 11th bday last thursday. She is growing up so fast. She is a young lady now. I am missing my lil girl. sigh...

We had a busy bday. Lots of people came to see her on thursday. But her bday party with her girls was yesterday. She had a sleepover bday party with 7 of her friends and i tell u i am so so so tired and just wanna sleep. Lots of girls in puberty... what did i think of??? i fell asleep around 1 am after that who knows what happend. Well they were all still here when i woke up so it was ok i guess lol. Scott called b4 i fell asleep to say night so i had a nice comforting sleep.
I dreamt of him. He took me in his arms and i felt so secure. I looked at him and was just happy. The odd part was that Sabines friend Thomas appeard in my dream too. He drove by in his truck and i told Scott : look theres thomas! that was it. Strange huh. But all i can remember is this warm and secure feeling being in his arms. Oh i wanna go back to sleep !!!!!!!

she´s everything...

She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She's I want a piece of chocolate
Take me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear
Now and then she's moody

And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
'Cause she's everything to me...

it`s been a while...

it´s been a while since Scott and me talked for longer on the phone. so it was nice to do that the other day. Although he was very tired and was about to go to sleep. He was working late. His voice still triggers many emotions in me. That butterfly in tummy feeling is still here, still after all this time. It´s been a bit quiet between us. But it is ok. It was akward since i asked myself, does he think of me too? Doesn´t he wanna know what i am up to like usually? Not talking doesn´t mean not caring. I know that. He, like me, always welcomed quiet days between us. It´s good to have space once in a while.

One question he asked was if it was ok for him to get a license and a motorcycle. Ok i thought, taking a deep breath. He is gonna do it anyways. so i said yes. But then i realised he would have walked away from that plan if i say NO. Wow. What a man huh. Of course i said i have no problem with it. I really dont. I just worry about him more now. it would kill me if something happend to him. But there is no reason he shouldn´t do it.

But that night i had a bad dream. I had it two nights in a row now. And i am scared. I dreamed that i got a call saying Scott had and accident and he is badly hurt. I rushed to him and he died in my arms. He just dissapeard. I woke up so frightend. I wasnt planing on telling him. But since he would know anyways reading it here i told him in a short sms a little while ago. We haven´t talked about it yet.

I didn´t change my mind. I am still ok with it. I guess it´s just cause i miss him so much. It´s not a bad omen. I know that. He will be ok.

Tonight i am going to the movies with Andi. We are seeing "The guardian" with Kostner and Kutcher. Kutcher i am looking forward to but Kostner, Oh oh oh. Well it will be a nice evening. He called me asking if it was ok if a friend joins us, one i don´t know yet. UUUHHH. I am looking forward meeting one of his friends. I have to behave lol. It´s all good. I am happy and proud he trusts me that much.

Julia is getting her new bed this afternoon and is so excited. It´s the one she chose. So i gotta go and clean up a bit, sighhh.

You all have a wonderful weekend.

Everything will be fine


Too lost ...

How do i feel... hmmm... to say it with a song...Sugababes...Too lost in you... I am lost in you baby...

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break this spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head
You got under my skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in
And my knees are weak
And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you

Well you whispered to me
And I shiver inside
You undo me
and move me
In ways undefined
And you're all I see
And you're all I need
Help me baby
Help me baby

Cos I'm slipping away
Like the sand to the tide
Flowing into your arms
Falling into your eyes
If you get too near
I might disappear
I might lose my mind

Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep,
I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you
I'm going crazy in love for you baby
(I can't eat and I can't sleep)
I'm going down like a stone in the sea

Oberdan Carneiro...

Oberdan Carneiro, a wonderful talented brasilian soccer player has been shot in his home country brasilia this last june. He leaves a wife and 3 little kids behind. It´s very tragic. We all feel with Lisa and her kids.
He played a few years here in Rankweil and he did magic. It was so entertaining to watch him play. Even i went to see him do his magic on the soccer field. And it wasnt cause i knew him and his wife personally. He was always friendly and talked to the kids who looked up to him.

Today there was a charity soccer game to benefit his wife who lives in poverty right now. Life is hard and cruel in Brasilia. I hope a lot of money has been given to the organisers and we all hope it will reach her.

We also saw wonderful Soccer in Oberdans name. His friends from all over came to play and to support his family.

Tiny stars ...

Tiny stars shining bright
it´s time for me to say good night.

So close your eyes and snuggle up tight
as I am wishing you sweet dreams tonight !

This is the my babys good night sms for me.
He makes sure i get it before i go to sleep.
I love him so much for little details like this.
He makes me laugh, smile and cry so many times.

Rainy sunday ...

It´s a rainy sunday and i am finally home...was in the election comitee in my village and today was uhuu election day... got up pretty early and was so tired... but i got out early... as soon as the votes were counted i left for home... skipped the party... have so many meetings this week... also at night... tiring week ahead and i just wanna sleep... miss my man so much... i miss you has so much more meaning now... holds so many emotions... his sms get me through the day... him thinking of me... cheering me up... letting me know how much i mean to him... loving him is so easy... loving him has become so natural... as if i have done that forever... he means so much to me... i love you... so much baby...

everything will be fine


Breast cancer ...

Early signs

-A lump is detected, which is usually single, firm, and most often painless.
-A portion of the skin on the breast or underarm swells and has an unusual appearance.
-Veins on the skin surface become more prominent on one breast.
-The breast nipple becomes inverted, develops a rash, changes in skin texture, or has a discharge other than breast milk.
-A depression is found in an area of the breast surface.

Women's breasts can develop some degree of lumpiness, but only a small percentage of lumps are malignant.

While a history of breast cancer in the family may lead to increased risk, most breast cancers are diagnosed in women with no family history. If you have a family history of breast cancer, this should be discussed with your doctor.

How to do a breast self-examination

IN THE SHOWER Fingers flat, move gently over every part of each breast. Use your right hand to examine left breast, left hand for right breast.
Check for any lump, hard knot or thickening. Carefully observe any changes in your breasts.

BEFORE A MIRROR Inspect your breasts with arms at your sides. Next, raise your arms high overhead.
Look for any changes in contour of each breast, a swelling, a dimpling of skin or changes in the nipple. Then rest palm on hips and press firmly to flex your chest muscles. Left and right breasts will not exactly match - few women's breasts do.

LYING DOWN Place pillow under right shoulder, right arm behind your head. With fingers of left hand flat, press right breast gently in small circular motions, moving vertically or in a circular pattern covering the entire breast. Use light, medium and firm pressure. Squeeze nipple; check for discharge and lumps. Repeat these steps for your left breast.

Early detection is very important. Girls take care of yourselves. check your breasts for signs. Its´s easy and fast. Please do !!


Everything will be fine


Oh Oh Oh ...

Oh man. I got caught having sex today. My neighbour heard me when she wanted to visit me. She heard me cum. Oh my. LOL. What to say. Got me . Good thing she doesnt know Scott very well. Lets see whats gonna happen. I couldnt resist. He is such a sexy man and pushed all the right buttons with me. He made me cum so good. GRRRRR i want more. Guess i am gonna get more. Yeahaaaaawwww !!!!!!


I also wanted to blog about Steve Irwin. His tragic death touched me so much. I always liked him. My second fave Aussie bloke. Always told Scott I am with him cause Steve Irwin is married.

He was such a passionate man. Passionate in everything he did. Our hearts go out to his family.

What a perfect day...

What a perfect day we had yesterday. My best friend Sabine, her son Deniz, Julia and me went on a hiking tour. We started at 9 am and came back around 4 pm. And it was a long hiking trip for the 5 year old Deniz. But he was a good hiker and walked all day.

We packed our backpacks and we were on our way.
We drove to Dornbirn ( www.dornbirn.at) and took a passenger cable lift car, is that the right translation? well who cares. We went up the mountain in a cable car ( www.karren.at ) and we had lots of fun. We took a 2,5 hour tour who took us a bit longer cause we had the kids with us. And we enjoyed the ride, the forest, the narrow trails, the beautiful view and we picnicked at a little lake ( staufensee ) before we went down a narrow canyon ( www.rappenlochschlucht.at ). Wooo that was impressive. We made a lot of pics and i will put some on the blog later. We had a beautiful day. Happy kids and happy mums.

Got a few sms from Scott later on cause i had no net during the day. He missed me and was concerned if i was ok. He is a sweetie. His phone is still shit and he brought it back to the shop to fix it. I miss him terribly. We talked a bit on the phone yesterday and its always healing.

Everyting will be fine



Losing someone u love so much can be devastating. Scott is gonna lose his mom and it kills him. I have been there before. I never thought i would lose my mom. I ignored those feelings. I miss her so much it hurts. I dont know how to help him. If i ask him how she is or if he talked to her i feel he gets upset. He doesnt wanna talk about it? I dont wanna force him to talk to me about her. I dont want him to think i am ignoring his pain or whats going on when i am not talking about his mum with him. its a touchy subject. And i hope i am doing everything right. Being so far away is so hard. I just hope he feels he can talk to me about it. He is not alone with it. I try to understand what he feels.


yes! to the people who asked me if this song had something to do with my mood. Yes. Don´t you have these days? Scott and me do. And we are honest about it. We have bad days. We don´t lie about it. It gets harder for us but that also brings us closer together. His mom is very sick and it looks like she wont get better. He has to get used to the thought that she will die and it kills him. I was there not long ago and i know how hard it is. He loves his mum very much. And it hurts me to see him in so much pain. I try my best to be there for him.

I am sorry i have to dissapoint so many people now (especially from Texas) that we did not break up yet. Sorry!!! It´s just not happening. I know u tried your , what u thought, best. Good luck to for the next time. Maybe your next victim is a stupid one. Oh, should shut up now. My baby is waiting. And i have a lot of things to do before i go to sleep. Preparations for tomorrow.

Everything will be fine!!


Happy Birthday...

Happy birthday !!

to my best friend Sabine. She will turn 36 tomorrow. Hope she has a wonderful birthday. We certainly will make sure she has!!! He He
I wish you all the best. Love you and always there for you. Thank you for being a wonderful friend!! Mwah mwah


Time: sometime after six i guess?
Drank last: Coffee with sabine and her dad ( who is a nice fella)
Ate last: had my finger in whipcream, does that count? lol
Listening to: Gretchen Wilson " i don´t feel like loving you today"
Laughed last: with Sabine
Last night: i was upset cause i didnt get messages all day and my phone is &%$§$%&$%§$§
Cried last: yesterday before i went to sleep, i miss scott
Today: i went shopping almost all day and i am tired
Tomorrow: is Sabines Bday and we will give her a big surprise!!!
Mood: tired but happy

I dont feel like loving you today...

For Scott ...

I don't feel like loving you today,
So don't you even try to change my mind,
The best thing you can do right now,
Is just go away,
Cause I don't feel like loving you today,

I don't wanna talk about last night,
I'm angry and I haven't had much sleep,
And I'm so tired and bloodshot,
There's no tellin' what I'd say,
I don't feel like loving you today,

But you know I will anyway,
Even though we make it hard sometimes,
I'll wind up forgiving and probably loving you,
For the rest of my life,
But I don't feel like loving you today,

And I've got 16 hours left to go,
I might tell you that I'm leaving,
Even though you know I'll stay,
Cause I don't feel like loving you today,
But you know I will anyway,
Even though we make it hard sometimes,
I'll wind up forgiving and probably loving you,
For the rest of my life,

But I don't feel like loving you today,
I just don't feel like loving you today...

New members...

We have two new members in our big family.
Julia got two turtles yesterday. She saved a lot of money to get them and waited for them to hatch.She has papers and all for them. Now they arrived. And they are so cute.

After studying them we called them...Mr. Monk and Sherona!!!
And believe me those names and characters fit them. Julia is very proud of them and learns how to take care of them. Thank god we have sylvia close to guide and help us, she has turtles since she was a kid.


time: evening
last caller: Byron
Wearing: black skirt and a beige top
Hearing: Unfaithful by Rihanna
Drinking: lots of water and icetea
Weather: its raining, finally, that was needed
Talking: to julia, she got her turtles yesterday
thinking: what a sad and poor life karen must have, sheeze
Playing: with my hair
Dreamed: that i was pregnant? dont know why?
Mood: actually not bad
Craving: a good ...lick
song on my mind: wake me up before u go go by wham, dont ask me why?
missing: my man


ok. i think i seriously gotta read and learn more about bipolar disorder. so i can handle it better.


Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person's mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But there is good news: bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

"Manic-depression distorts moods and thoughts, incites dreadful behaviors, destroys the basis of rational thought, and too often erodes the desire and will to live. It is an illness that is biological in its origins, yet one that feels psychological in the experience of it; an illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure, yet one that brings in its wake almost unendurable suffering and, not infrequently, suicide."

Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "high" and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression.

It may be helpful to think of the various mood states in bipolar disorder as a spectrum or continuous range. At one end is severe depression, above which is moderate depression and then mild low mood, which many people call "the blues" when it is short-lived but is termed "dysthymia" when it is chronic. Then there is normal or balanced mood, above which comes hypomania (mild to moderate mania), and then severe mania.
He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him insideTo know
that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be...A murderer

My mood...

wanna know how i feel???

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone
I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you
I need you by my side u
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do?
I'm lost without you

I keep trying to find my way
but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no
I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you
I need you by my side u
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do?
I'm lost without you

I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face

I am tired...

I am tired...very tired. Everything is just so tiring since its so hot. Scott and me have a lot of arguements. He is having a hard time right now. His mom is not doing very well. I dont know how i can help him being so far away. I feel him breaking down. I feel helpless. Seems everything i say or do is wrong. I know we will get through this. I promised him to not leave him whatever happens. I am here. I am here.

I love you Scott...i am not a perfect person... theres many things i wish i didnt do...but i continue learning.....

Everything will be fine


Happy birthday...

Happy birthday!!!

happy birthday to Martin, Sabines Husband (vienna)...Looking forward to tonights Lasagne invitation. Dont let that bastard on fourth floor win!!!! LOL

the pool...

It was built in 1954. Renovated in 1994. When the big 64 meter long slide was added.

Hot day...

Surfing: www.honeyblaze.blogspot.com
Last caller: Sabine
Wearing: Red top, black pants and my black bathing suit
Hearing: Sabine talk
Eating: ice cream
Drinking: Lots and lots and lots of water !!!!
Weather: sun, every day, sun. two weeks and it hasnt rained
Thinking: about a 32 year old guy named S....
Playing with: a young guy named D.... he he he
Dreamed: is censored. sowwy....
Mood: tired but it was a good day
Watching: the sun set
Craving: hungry, grilled chicken oh yummy!!!!! i want my baby to cook for me!!!
Smelling: like sun lotion
Song i listen to: No angels from the band No angels
wish: that my man feels better soon. love him so much!


well, well...i received a mail from an old friend who obviously has been busy reading my blog. He was very interested to read about my love life. He liked the entrys with our personal sms to each other. I dont remember the last time when i published some of them. Been some time. So since speedy asked to read a few new of them i searched my phone to share a few more lovely sms with you that were sent to me by my sexy, romantic man Scott...


You are the woman i care deeply about.
The woman whom i consider the best thing that has ever happend to me.
Stop being so cynical and treat this as a compliment that i want someone
there to protect you while i can´t.


I love u too Angel. Really i do. And i don´t even have to fuck you
to tell you that !


I saw it everyday.
Everytime i went to your blog.
It was there.
And in that time we werent together, i went there.
A lot.
Just to see what u were doing. If u mentioned me at all.
And it was always there. Will never forget that.


I wanna tell you to do all these things for me but its not right.
I am becoming obsessed with you. And your body.
I´m so in love with you i want more.
You are the one i have been waiting for all my life.
I have finally found you.
And now i am pissed i cant have you.


Your body is perfect for me.
There is more of you to love.
Perfect. Your body gets me horny. Those big boobs.
Gorgeous Arse.
Just thinking about kissing ......(censored)
is setting me off again.


I am not just your boyfriend anymore Angel !!
I am more than that.


There is always something that has to keep you from me.
Never an opportunity for us to have as much time as we want together.
And you wonder why i am so intense.It´s because there is not enough hours in the day for me to be able to be truly happy. I don´t like it when you´re not there.

So, there you are. A few more examples why Scott captured my heart. He is not perfect but who is??
I hope u all have fun reading those romantic messages and you guys take the time and write your partner one. It will be appreciated. Believe me!!

Everything will be fine



In the first pic u see Julia with Gabrielles son Adrian. He is the cutest. He was laughing
and happy all the time.

In the second pic u see Julia on the right, in the middle is Gabrielles oldest son Fabian and on
the right is Gabrielles neighbour and Julias friend Lisa. Both girls met first last year and kept
contact with each other since.

Next u see, from the left: Julia, Martha (sylvias aunt), Susanna, Florian, Melissa and Heinz
( Her uncle)

in the last pic are Julia and Susanna presenting Susannas new bought towel she bought in
IKEA. Yup we managed to go to IKEA. Thank you thank you for your applause !!!!

We had fun times with our friends...

Fun fun fun...

We had so much fun. The train ride was long.
On our way to Vienna we stopped in Salzburg to go visit Sylvias parents.
The kids were behaving and kept themselves busy on our way to vienna.
One of the things they did was riding horses in a big park. We went there ( Laeerberg)
to have lunch with Sylvias old auntie Edith.
The restaurant (4*) was excellent. The service crew, all males, were very good in their job.
We were sitting outside and i was the only one with a seat in the sun, and before i could ask for sun umbrella, a polite and charming waiter came running with one asking if i needed some shadow. They deserved their tips. The kids discoverd the horses and we spent quite some time
there. It was so much fun.

wir hatten so viel spass...


i am back. And what a vacation it has been. Although i love vienna it has been very stressful.
The kids fought a lot and it was so hot!! Freaking hot. We tried to make the best out of it.
But i already decided to go back in october when its not so hot anymore. We saw a lot of things and we shopped. Vienna is full of tourists at this time. But seeing the beautiful architecture is so wonderful.

Now the other stress factor. It was Scott. I just knew before i went it would go sour. He said since the beginning that it will be very hard for him not to talk to me regulary. So i sent a "hello" and a " i miss you" once in a while. I couldnt have long conversations with him. The ONLY reason for that was i just didn´t have time!!!

It was not a vacation where we were laying at a beach. We had a sightseeing vacation. On the go all the time. 4 kids and 2 adults in a busy city with lots of ppl. We had to keep the kids together and it was very hot and stressful. The kids didnt give us a break, fighting a lot.
So it happend that i sent a sms and then couldnt reply. It upset him a lot. He thought i was ignoring him. To be honest, he got on my nerves. One night when the usual comments came i just chose to ignore him. I had to walk away or we would have had the biggest fight.

I understand that the phone is our only communication, he wants to be a part of my daily life. Just as i want to be a part of his. But when i have the feeling that i am being controlled then i am getting rebellious. Sometimes he behaves like his fave toy is being taken away. It was just too much. I went to sleep and when i woke up i had lots of messages from him and one from teena asking what was going on. I didnt answer. I just didnt have the strenght to deal with it. I am sorry. I called Sabine cause she is the one i talk to not anybody else. He said he called teena cause she knows me and he needed a female opinion. She doesnt know me at all and i was pissed i have to say. I am very specific about with whom i talk to about my personal things.

So it came out that i just don´t love him as much as he loves me. I guess i have to live with it.
He is just to fast for me. I am still trying to answer a sms when i already get a new one from him. He is so fucking fast in typing. I am not. I do my best to satisfy his need for information. I do love him dearly although he says he doesnt think so. I AM SO SORRY!!!!

i am doing the best that i can. I love my man with all my heart and i always will. This wont break us.

Everything will be fine



hmmmm....when does a woman officially have a shoe fetish? lol

Sabine says : hell no !! i don´t have one. I say : hell Yeah!!! You have one.

I admit i like to buy bags. I like shoes too but i don´t have too many. Sabine owns, hmm we just counted 25 pairs. This year she was very busy stocking up on her shoe department.
Yeah she has to be proper clothed for her job.

oh well, we women love to shop and we admit we do it with passion. Our men don´t love us less and they hand over their credit cards without a word lol.

We will count again and let u know cause now there is Sale every where !!!! hi hi


Nix da, ich hab kein Schuhtick. Nein! Nein! Nein!

Und ich gebe hier auch keinen weiteren Kommentar ab über mein viel zu kleines Schuhsortiment. Und Handtaschen hab ich auch nur ein paar. Nicht mal 10. Ich bin einfach keine typische Frau! Ich wehre mich dagegen. Stimmt einfach nicht, obwohl es da anders lautende Aussagen in meinem Umfeld gibt.

Ha! Sie hat grad zugegeben, dass sie doch mehr Handtaschen hat. 1:0 für mich. Und das mit den Schuhen müssen wir noch ganz genau eruieren.

Also ich geh mal zählen. Lg Sabine

Whats new...

I got a mail asking what´s new with me and of course scott since we both been quiet.
Everything is going fine between us.
He is busy working and this week he has his darling kids for 4 days, wednesday till sat or sunday. Scott is keeping me busy and we grow closer as every day goes by. We are growing closer every day. We find out new things about the other partner and we get to know what we want and dont want. I havent talked about it cause i didnt wanna bore u guys with how happy we are. He is a caring, loving, charming man. And he is MY MAN!!! Yeah i am happy.
We have our ups and downs and we work it out. Thats how u do it right?
We feel lonely without each other. Simple things hurt. But it keeps us going. We enjoyed our time when he was at his mums and had time to cam with me. Seeing me on cam made him the happiest camper. So to all those who wanna see us apart, duuuhhhh.

We been busy watching Soccer. Germany is out. YEAH!! I hope Portugal makes it. Would be a nice surpise.

Friday night we leave for Vienna. My man is sad already and i havent even left yet. I hope he will be ok. We will talk, but not as much as now on a daily basis. I am so looking forward to it.

I stepped in a little broken glas piece today. I walked barefoot outside. Sabine tried to get it out but she couldnt get it. so i had to go to the doctor who kinda operated it out. My foot is ok now. Can walk again.

I wish u all a nice summer!!! We definately enjoy summer time.

Everything will be fine



Summer is here !!!! It´s been so hot. But hey i finally got a nice tan. lol
Been swimming a lot and we enjoy sitting outside till its dark.

Today i listended to Blue, my man bought me their CD ( yeah its a boyband and yeah u can laugh) , and i sang to my fave song:

U make me wanna

To start it off
I know you know me
To come to think of it,
it was only last week.
That I had a dream about us, oh.
That's why I am here,
I'm writing this song.
To tell the truth
you know I have been hurting all along
,Someway let me know, you want me girl.

Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
Baby that's why:

You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love,
you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.

Well I know that these feelings won't end no, no.
They'll just get stronger if I see you again.
Baby I'm tired of being friends.
I wanna know if you feel the same
And could you tell me do you feel my pain?
Don't leave me in doubt.

Everytime you see me what do you see?
I feel like I'm a poor man and you're the queen.
Oh baby, you're the only thing that I really need.
And baby that's why:

I'll take you home real quick
And sit you down on the couch
Pour some Dom Perignon and hit the lights out
.Baby we can make sweet love.
Then we'll take it nice and slow.
I'm gonna touch you like you've never know before
We're gonna make love all night.

You make me wanna call you in the middle of the night.
You make me wanna hold you till the morning light.
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.
I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight.
You're the first and last thing on my mind
You make me wanna love, you make me wanna fall.
You make me wanna surrender my soul.

And... ahem...

And...ahem...those are two of the italian players who played against Australia....
this is for all the ladies who come here...
look and enjoy...


Oh Nooooooo.....

Monday, June 26th 2006. It´s 5 pm and a living room here in austria filled with georgeous looking girls ( hi hi thank you) were sitting in front of the tv, waiting for the soccer game to start.
Two of the girls wore yellow shirts with a green print. No, they didnt cheer for brasil.
They cheered for...AUSTRALIA!!!!

Yup, it was Australia against Italy. And the socceroos had a fair chance to win this. They played so good this far, they deserved this chance to get to the quarterfinals.

We baked some pizzas, the kids ran around playing and we cheered for the aussies. Number 15 from the aussies was a hot looking guy ( Angie said that, yes angie!)
We yelled, we cheered, we were angry at the referee but it didnt help, they lost in the 95th minute. damned. wasnt fair.
But hey, we are happy for you guys that u came that far!!!

Scott was sleeping, lol. I messaged him with the bad news. He took it well. Guess sleeping was priority for him.

So, we are so sorry our dear australian friends. We did all we could. But yay for ya to make it that far!!!

Everything will be fine



Amadeus Amadeus...

"Rock me amadeus" from our own superstar FALCO who died much too early!!!

Er war ein Punker
Und er lebte in der großen Stadt
Es war in Wien, war Vienna
Wo er alles tat
Er hatte Schulden denn er trank
Doch ihn liebten alle Frauen
Und jede rief: Come and rock me Amadeus

Er war Superstar
Er war populär
Er war so exaltiert
Because er hatte Flair
Er war ein Virtuose
War ein Rockidol
Und alles rief: Come and rock me Amadeus
Amadeus, Amadeus...

Es war um 1780
Und es war in Wien
No plastic money anymore
Die Banken gegen ihn
Woher die Schulden kamen
War wohl jedermann bekannt
Er war ein Mann der Frauen
Frauen liebten seinen Punk

I love Vienna. Love , love, love it!! It´s so full of history. July 8th we gonna visit vienna for a week. Am so looking forward to it. Will make lots of pics but here a few for u to enjoy our wonderful capital city... ( where a lots of aussies are in summer, met quite a few!!)


Originally i didn´t want to react to Scottys entry but a few mails asking if i was ok changed my mind.

NO, i am not single!!
And NO i am not upset with him!!

It´s like that. People have different opinions. When he posted that it was 4 am and he was drunk and Australia just lost in soccer. lol. I don´t wanna apologise for him, but that´s the way i see it.
He asked me to take the entry out but i said no, i don´t care if ppl read how he felt right that moment. It´s ok for me and that is all that matters.

I do see it differently. There is a difference for me having a crush on a famous person or a crush on the girl next door or at work. I wouldnt have a problem if he would fanatsise being in bed with Nicole Kidman or whoever he thinks is hot. But knowing he has a crush on the girl next door, wanting to be with her, yeah, i would have a problem with that. Maybe it´s just me? but it´s the way i feel.

He feels differently. So, here we are. Of course i look at handsome men, i said that before. But there is a difference, and i wont change my mind just because he gets the shits with me. But we talked it out and we are ok. He has to accept my opinion too, since i am not a " yes darling, whatever u say" girl. I will always say what i mean, even when he gets shitty.

So to all you ppl who were so happy seeing him post that. Duuuuhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Such shit cant tear us apart. We survived the bitch and her gang, this wont kill us.

Everything will be fine


the oppoite sex

Okay...here we go.
Tonight we had a discussion about the opposite sex! nothing too serious.... So I thought!!
I asked a simple question along the lines of... If you saw a hot looking guy..would you have impure thoughts of him and would like to have your way with him? to which Ange had replied.... NO I wouldnt! I wold not look at another guy and think those thoughts...

BUT!!! if we take a venture back just a few days... what do we have?...

"...and Duncan, well Duncan James i wouldnt say no to sittin in my bed waiting for me. Sorry baby!!!...."

How about that?? she tells me that she would not even dream of it..yet.... right there in front of my very eyes she says, that if this guy was in her bed then sorry baby...!

How hypocritical is that?? It is even posted right there on her blog site. And yet I am supposed to believe that it was totally bogus?? That she didnt really mean it? and that everything I read was a joke??

To be honest guys...If Ange had told me that she did fantasise about him...I would have been cool about it. Every guy does it. So Does every chick. You cant tell me they dont?
Well.... I have come to the conclusion that I have been lied to. Something I will not tolerate. Considering I have done my fair share, doesnt make it right for everyone else.

Think before you speak!!

Hooroo... Scotty

Australia - Brasil

Oh Oh oh....!!!!

Australia lost 2:0


Oh my. But brasil is playing lousy since the beginning. All the big favourite teams are.
Oh well. Gotta talk to my man, he is a bit frustrated. He is waiting for me to cheer him up.

Lifes good. Got a tan, went swimming a lot. Julia is happy, school will be out soon. Yeahhh!!!


everything will be good



Meine Augen suchen Wasser in der Wüste
Meine Füße tragen lange schon den Durst
Ich bin gefallen und blieb liegen
Stand auf wollte siegen,
denn ich schmeck das Meer ist nicht mehr weit

Es ist schwer die Spur im Sand zu finden,
denn Staub und Sturm stehlen mir die Sicht
Doch wie ein warmer Sommerregen,
regnest du auf mein Leben
Wie ein Heer aus Tropfen, auf den heißen Stein

Und wir waren unendlich
und das Wasser legte sich auf unsre Haut
Um uns alles vergänglich
das behalten wir für uns
und den Tag tragen wir bis ins Grab

Für den Augenblick hielten wir die Luft an
und zusammen tauchten wir bis auf den Grund
Wir ließen uns treiben,
mit dem Strom der Gezeiten
und wir strandeten, sind angekommen

Es ist schwer den Weg im Sand zu finden
denn Staub und Sturm stehlen dir die Sicht
Doch jeder braucht den Sommerregen,
was wäre ohne ihn das Leben
Jeder brauch ein Stück Unendlichkeit


Today i got a wonderful surprise. A parcel from australia. Can u guess from who it was???
Hmm thats a hard one i know. LOL.
Yeah from Scott.
I have to say i already knew what was in there. He bought me something a while back and now
it found its way to me.

On a day, dont remember why, he bought me 3 cds. He bought me BLUE, yup the british boyband. I know, I know, but i love some of their songs. Lee Ryans voice is unbelievable, and Duncan, well Duncan James i wouldnt say no to sittin in my bed waiting for me. Sorry baby!!!
Ah no worries, my heart belongs to Mr. Scott Sexy Australian. Well and everything else about me too. So back off guys. U know who i mean!! LOL
The other Cds were from a artist called Alex Lloyd. Scott talked about him b4. I heard 2 songs of
him already. "Amazing "and "Never meant to fail". Both songs are nice to listen to.

With "Amazing" i have a special connection, I know Scott will kill me but he sang it to me one day on the phone. LOL. Okay i have to say he was a wee bit drunk already, but he stood outside the club and sang it for me. It was so sweet. I had to laugh though, but that´s the way my man is. Wonderful romantic. I know he doesn´t like me to talk about that side of his, but he is and he is making me so happy.

One of the other things in there was a beach towel, well, julia saw and claimed it.

So Scott made 2 Girls very happy today. YAY for him!!!
Thank you baby!

Weather is wonderful and we went swimming already. Finally summer is here!!!!

Everything will be fine


Multiple Sclerosis

Hey Guys.
Well I am back from Townsville, but wish I could have stayed. I went up to see my mother whom is not doing very well at the moment. For those of you who dont know, my mother has M.S or Multiple Sclerosis.

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a chronic and unpredictable disease of the central nervous system (CNS), that produces mental and physical symptoms that may relapse, remit, and/or worsen over time.

In the 19th century, French neurologist Jean-Martin Charcot examined nerve fibers under the microscope and noticed unusual plaques, or lesions, in the nerve fibers that send messages to and from the brain and spinal cord. He identified a pattern of symptoms that seemed to appear and disappear over a period of time. One day they were present, another day they were not.

The two weeks I spent with my mum I noticed how on some days you would find it hard to believe there was anything wrong with her at all! And then, she would wake up and not know who you were, or what you were doing in her house.

She found it difficult to finish complete sentences and often became frustrated because the word was right there, yet she could not get her tongue around it in order to say it. She often complained of pins and needles in her hands and feet, which prevented her on most days to open doors, lids on jars, pick up cups of hot tea and not even realise that it is hot, and would be constantly losing her balance. Quite often falling and injuring herself. She also experienced total numbness on the side of her face, quite often the right side where she would constantly ask me to help her get whatever it is on her face, off!

It was hard seeing mum like this for the first time. And to be honest, I was rather ignorant of the disease and its effects until I saw what it did to my mother.

Much progress has been made in understanding the disease, but the exact cause is still unknown. New methods of diagnosis and treatment have improved the long-term outcome for many people living with MS.

To fully understand what M.S is and its effects, let's understand how normal nerve cells work. The central nervous system contains the nerves of the brain and spinal cord. Each nerve cell (neuron) has a body with branching tendrils (axons). The axons of one nerve cell communicate with the axons of other nerve cells, sending and receiving messages from the brain and spinal cord. These messages tell the body how and when to perform a certain action. They communicate movements, touches, smells, sounds, and sights.

The axons of most neurons are wrapped in a protective insulating sheath called myelin, which has the same function as the material wrapped around electrical wires—myelin protects the neurons. The nerve cells send electrical impulses along their insulated fibers to other nerve cells. Impulses require less energy and move faster along fibers covered with myelin than those without.

There are cells in the central nervous system that produce myelin, cells that remove debris during damage, and cells that help substances pass through to the brain and heal damaged nerves.When myelin is damaged, dense, scar-like tissue forms around nerve fibers throughout the brain and spinal cord. These scars, sometimes referred to as sclerosis, plaques, or lesions, can slow down or completely prevent the transmission of signals between nerve cells. Messages from the brain and spinal cord cannot reach other parts of the body. Damage, or scarring, occurs in many places throughout the central nervous system, hence the term "Multiple Sclerosis."

Although it is still uncertain exactly how far the disease has developed or progressed in mum, it is evident that she has rapidly shown signs of deterioration. And it was hard fo me to believe that the person who stood in front of me a year ago with no indication there was something wrong, was now finding it hard to stand alone.

Although mum has her bad days, she also has her good days and will make every attempt to keep herself occupied. No matter what it is. But she is also aware that the rest of her life is un predictable. So much is she prepared for this, that she has asked me to be her enduring power of attorney, and when the time comes ( Hopefully not TOO soon ) to be the executor of her will.

Not exactly something that I wanted to be responsible for, but she asked for my help, and I am gonna help her. Because she is my mum, and the only one I have.

I love you mum. Dont give up hope. There is still a long way to go.

Soccer WM...

Oh my, soccer WM begins. So many lonely wifeys at home the next time. Or...? hmm that could be a chance to... have fun with ya girlfriends. Make something positive out of loosing your man to the TV !!!

13 things u shouldn´t say to your man during soccer WM ...

1- Guess what!! My sister and her friend get to see the game live!!They managed to get tickets!

2-Well i cheer for the italians- they all look so cute!!

3-I also invited Sara, Gwen, Lulu and Celine to watch the game. that doesn´t bother u does it?

4-Olliver wouldnt have let that ball go through!!! ( a big NO NO for our german girls ! lol)

5- the orange dresses are much more nicer than the blue ones!

6-Can i change the channel real quick?

7-Don´t worry baby, it´s just a game!

8-We could record the game and watch it later !

9-The brasil team can show their happiness real good!

10-GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!! ( if it was from the opposite team)

11-Do we play to the other way now baby?

12-Beer? Why? No, i bought Prosecco!

13-Which is our team?

Good luck girls!!!!


Yay its thursday already, short week and the weekend is close!!!!!!
Been talking to scott a lot this week, and fulfilled one or two of his wishes ;-)
Had some troubles with yahoo. Wonder why?

Scotts mom did get to see me on cam. Talked to her a bit. Was nice to finally meet her.
We did spend some time cam to cam. Was nice for a change.
Did make me miss him even more.

Today is a sunny day. Finally sun. Tshirt time again!!!

Scott and me had a lil arguement ystd. About a certain topic. We work that out somehow. It hurts him to talk about it, but i need to know. But knowing hurts. But i can heal then. He can heal. I forgave him but forgetting is hard being confronted with it almost every day.
One thing is sure, it wont break us apart.

We talked about Jaiveer. He suddenly got very jealous at somebody in my past. I was with him when Scott left me. I never knew how jealous he was reading about jai and me in my blog. It tore him apart. He can still tell me what i blogged about jai and me. wow. I dont even remember.

Honey: are u upset with me?
madness181_69: no..
Honey: u got very jealous just now?
madness181_69: yes
Honey: are u ok now?
madness181_69: its friday. jaiveer is showering. couldnt sleep at night after jaiveer errrr hmmm "woke me up" (smile). had some nice chat with julia from malaysia. miss chattin with her. we laughed a lot. to pj ............ u in love with another woman lah....why should i say u my bf???? u dont even come online to chat with me lah:( i do miss you mr bloghead. i got a song for you pj .................

madness181_69: I hate reading about you and him
madness181_69: you miss him so much
Honey: that was in the year 2003
madness181_69: you talked about him so often
Honey: now i talk about u
Honey: that summer i was in his appartment in basel while he was working
Honey: julia was in guatemala with byron
Honey: while he was gone working i took the chance and was online blogging
madness181_69: baby..
madness181_69: I am so sorry

madness181_69: just hard reading about it
Honey: then dont
madness181_69: he is always gonna be there
madness181_69: just realised I am more jealous than I thought
madness181_69: prolly why I disappeard for so long
madness181_69: yes
madness181_69: and I am sorry
Honey: but your actions spoke differently
Honey: u didnt want me, u pushed me away
madness181_69: I was good at hiding them then
madness181_69: my true feelings
madness181_69: prolly why I disappeard for so long
Honey: u dissapeared cause u loved me?
madness181_69: yes

Honey: i see it as u were lost and u found your way back to me
madness181_69: I was
Honey: i dont know how but i am happy
Honey: so happy u did
madness181_69: like I said before
madness181_69: that wasnt me then
madness181_69: I was going through a rough time
madness181_69: but I found my way back to you

Everything will be fine