Long distance relationships---do they work? I think i am not goot at it. My girl darlene did it-she´s happily married now. The distance kills me. I realized once again when he confesses to me him dating this girl. And i, once again, had no clue. He swears there was nothing. Can i blame him?
I always told him that he is a free man. I am not naive. I am not there. But many girls are, beautiful ones. And he is after all a man. Even a few weeks ago i still dated. Unaware of his strong feelings towards me now. I remember his sms saying: Babe i want u to be happy. And i do whatever i can to make sure of that. Even if it means u date other guys. I love you!
Still got the sm on my mobile.

I wonder, i really wanna know what was going on in him. When did i b ecome more than just a friend. I wanna know. But shouldn´t it just be enough 2 know i was always there in his heart?
I have so many questions to ask him.
About- Karen. He says that wasn´t him- he doesn´t know why it happend. But it happend.
I try to remember: we met, were friends, talked about everything. We connected right away. When it got hot between us we agreed to stay as far away from a online relationship as possible. I was still in a relationship-not happy as u can tell. but i felt content about the way our relationship grew. He even told me about picking up girls, him meeting his ex. Damn we talked about his sexlife. Yup. It was going fine. And then we messed it up. We took the step. I was single by then. Had a hard time and should´ve known better. But it seemed to go well.
Hmmmm, i thought so. Our online love.

He had his rooms he went to , so did i. I was a regular at KL1. Never controlled what he was doing, never followed him. Cause i didn´t want him to do that either. But damn i should have paid more attention. Yes, it was strange i always got booted when he took me with him to that room. Now i know it was her. She was jelaous. She had an eye on my man. I saw the signs, but ignored them. I knew him well enough to not be jealous. What i didn´t know was how weak he was. She had him under control.

One day he stopped talking to me. I saw he was online. I came into that chat room.
Oh boy, i still cry thinking bout that day. I had absolutely no idea what was coming my way.
He was there, but he didn´t say a word. That woman on the other hand said many words.
Like bullets. I was so shocked.
She said: stop stalking scott. and a few more things i don´t wanna repeat. I dont even wanna think about. And he said NOTHING. I was devastated. What had happend? No idea. Did he make such a fool out of me on purpose? All things he said. NO, no. I couldn´t be so wrong. I called him, crying, asking to tell me what happend.

Oh PJ was there for me. And i needed him. Scott broke my heart, among other things.
I thought, ya my fault. Why am i so stupid? He taught me a lesson and i will learn!!!

And surprise, his brother Brendon was there for me too. Talking to him was good for me. He cheered me up. Scott wasn´t to know Brendon and me had contact and i trusted Brendon.

Still saw Scott online, his comments beside his nick. Him being "a good boy" for Karen. I was hurting. What did she have that i don´t ? I had to accept that he choose to be with her. I was never betrayed like that. Nobody ever hurt me like that. I felt so naive. The more time i spent with Brendon the more I knew that wasn´t the real Scott acting. But he had broken everything i felt for him!

But i got to know how many real online friends i had. Offline i always had a safety net. But to have one online too surprised me. Pj, Darlene, Brendon, Jaff and so on.
Thanks to all of u !!!
Somebody else stepped into my life, who turns out to become important to me. A close friend. Jaiveer.

I rememberd a letter i sent to scott. By mail. A love letter. Yup i admit i am a hopeless romantic. I felt sick thinking of him actually reading the letter. All i could think of was how to stop him from reading, from getting to know what i felt. Damn, Brendon lived to far away to go and get it. Postal service said "Sorry nothing that we can do". I realized there was just 1 way. A way that was hard for me. I don´t know how long i sat there looking at his nick "madness".
Contact him, yes, no,yes, no,yes, no. Scared he wouldnt answer. I did it.
And- he did answer.

I tried to be as cool as possible. Asking him to send the letter back. Not to read it. And-he was so nice, so full of sorry, so-so Scott. All he could say that he is sorry and he didn´t mean to hurt me. Bla bla bla. But he did. I was so confused. What was going on with him? All i remember is us arguing, me asking what i did wrong (why do women always think they are the problem?),
him saying it was him not me.

But the one thing that stayed strongly on my mind: him not wanting to hurt nobody anymore, not Karen, nobody but hell- hurting me was ok?
And-he wasn´t fighting for me. He never did. That was the clearest sign for me how stupid all that was. I knew now how much i ment to him. It was clear.

And...though years later. Here i am. His girl. Scotts girl. He faught his way back into my life, my heart. Where he always was. I know that now.
Yeah maybe u think: how stupid is that woman? I heard that reaction many times. We went a long way. We both knew that "online relationships" couln´t work. Nevertheless we did it.

Now, well now i am cautious. I am protecting myself. I know Scott u are not happy to hear this. but u hurt me once. I know u asked me to decide if i trusted u again. You let me decide if there is an US or not. Still have so many questions and your ready to answer them. I am surprised how honest u are. And it helps me to trust u more. I do love u. We know each other so well now.

But still-the distance scares me. Not being there, u not being here when i need u.
But still the distance scares me. Not being

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