January 15th... i got through the day... dont know how but i did... it hit me hard this year... its been 3 years and it doesnt get better... i wished somebody would have hugged me... oh now i am being unfair... julia did and late at night silke.... i got through the day yes i did... i made lunch for sabine and deniz.... i got through it... i was as normal as i can be... i took a long walk with marianne.. had coffee... i was as normal as i can be... i got through the day... till the evening...
then when i was alone... it hit me... i sat there crying... it was just jason and me... i reached out to brian... he was out till late ...
all i remember are her hands and andis presence... he was there... i remember yelling at a doctor cause he was being so cocky... i dont wanna cry so i have to stop talking about it...
i miss her so much....i got through the day...... yay
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